I will never forget seeing the tape of the re-entry, watching the streak get brighter and then turn into many sparkling pieces, knowing immediately what it meant, and yet trying desperately to come up with an alternate explanation, an explanation that did not include a disaster.

Of course, I couldn't.

I started to cry. I felt a little foolish, but I couldn't help myself.

My wife had a concert that day, and even though neither of us felt like going, me to hear, and she to play, we went anyway. I dug out the mission patch for STS-1, Columbia's maiden voyage, and she pinned it to her dress.

We drove to the church where she was playing, and while she warmed up with the rest of the orchestra, I listened to the radio, tuned to the continuing coverage of the disaster. It was then that I heard the audio playback from Mission Control of the moment that they realized that all was not right. This was one of those few times that the public knew before NASA did -- they hadn't seen the footage of the breakup yet. The sound of the flight controller's voice when he told them to lock the doors is something that will never leave me.

I couldn't tune away. I had to keep listening. It didn't help that one of the crew members shared my name -- David Brown, Mission Specialist. I kept hearing my name, and it was rather jarring.

My wife plays cello for a community orchestra, one which is made up mostly of students at a nearby college. I remember what it was like in college. I remember how major world events would happen and I wouldn't hear about them until weeks later. I was too wrapped up in my studies to pay attention.

The church where the orchestra was playing is on the campus of the college, and as such the majority of the audience was from the college and the surrounding community. The conductor opened the concert by saying a few words, and referred obliquely to the disaster that had just occurred, and I listened to all of the conversations around me as people tried to figure out what he was talking about. It amazed me that so many people had not heard yet, but what could I expect. The disaster was barely 6 hours old.

I've mentioned before that I look at the referer log for my weblog quite often. I like to see how people got to my site. Like most other weblogs, I get a lot of hits from Google. And one of the most common search phrases that people use in Google when they get to my site is "David Brown." I'm fairly certain that they are not looking for me.

11:58:39 AM    comments ()  trackback []