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Sunday, January 1, 2006 |
It's a warm evening here tonight. The window is open and the dark nighttime sounds are drifting in. The sound of crickets creates a backgound for the sound of road noises off in the distance as the last chorus of cars and trucks makes their way to their destinations. It is comforting in some way. I think it is the memories of the nights of my childhood. It is almost as if I can smell the sounds of walking around the neighborhood during nighttime backyard camp out sleep overs.
10:42:59 PM 
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Over at the Big Happy Fun House it's resolution time. For my resolution I'm just hoping to get the Christmas decorations put away and get the house cleaned up. I'm thinking that at the pace I'm going it might take all year.
How does this one sound? "I'm selling all my crap, buying a motorhome and spending the next year
traveling the US and visiting some of you. It's something I've wanted
to do for sometime now."
Just before Cindy died we had started talking about wat we would do once the girls went off to college, and at times the discussion would drift even farther into the future and we'd wonder what our life would be like when we retired. I would joke that we would sell the house get a nice motor home and see the country. Cindy would laugh and I think she didn't relish the thought of living in a motorhome. But I think we both liked the thought of travelling. I'll have to see if the Big Happy Fun House US tour makes it's way to Florida. It would be fun having a found home movie show. I'll provide the popcorn.
He finishes with more talk about death and happiness,
"A good friend of mine (who is no longer with us) once told me 'Everyday above ground be happy.'
I'm going to go be happy."
Here's to many more days above ground, whether they suck or don't. And if you are in the neighborhood be sure to stop on by. Oh, and free pie, and the bowling alley is just up the road.
7:37:07 PM
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The Bucs won the football game today. That was fun, and a great excuse for not making much progress on putting away the Christmas decorations (memories). Some people think it is early, but when you've had that tree up since the weekend after Thanksgiving, and it was cut sometime last fall, and sat in the Florida sun for several weeks, it's time! Besides it's the New Year! Time for cleaning up and starting a fresh new year.
7:10:39 PM
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I received a very nice electronic New Years Card today. I really enjoyed it. And then I thought about it for a while.
Chelsey and I are good at having arguments sometimes. Today we had a nice discussion, er, argument about my attempts at guessing what kind of food she would like me to get at the grocery store.
Lindsey gladly goes grocery shopping with me. That way she gets what she likes to eat. Chelsey on the other hand almost passes out at the uttering of the word grocery. You would think that spending a few minutes in the local trash n' karry was like being sent to one of those prisons where they don't torture the prisoners. So she was upset that even though the fridge and the cupboard are filled to overflowing with a variety of food, there wasn't anything to eat. So I explained it from my point of veiw, she yelled at me from her point of view and then we degenerate to yelling about what words we did or didn't just say :) It ends up being a discussion, er, argument about whether I said allways or all the time, or everytime, not about whatever it was that happens all the time, or everytime, or none of the time as the case may be.
So I was reading this very nice News Years Card with that sort of deep semantic thought process. I got to the end where it says,
"Happiness that lasts months
Friendships that last years
But most of all
LOVE that lasts a lifetime!"
So I thought about that last line for a while, and specifically the differences bewteen a love that lasts a lifetime, and having someone to love for a lifetime. In my case I feel like I've experienced the love that lasts a lifetime. Many widows and widowers have that knowledge that they will always love the one that they have lost. There is an emotional scar in us that doesn't ever heal, and our love for the one we have lost settles in and around that scar so that everytime we feel the pain of that wound we also feel the love that will be there forever along with that scar and it's pain.
So I have to wonder if that is enough, a love that will be with me for the rest of my life. A love that can't be given back. Can't be expressed in the ways love should be. And I read back a few lines and decide that for now I would hope to find Happiness that lasts months. I know that I have friendships that will last years. I met many of those friends at the New Years dinner and parties last night. Though those friendships are somehow different now. They to can't be shared the way they once were.
So I'm all for a year that doesn't suck, and I'm hopeful... (that word sounds interesting) that this year I can find Happiness that lasts months. Knowing that you can't just choose to be happy, but you can choose to have fun.
Here's to a fun year that has hope for happiness, and doesn't suck.
7:04:50 PM
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Happy New Year! Rabbit Rabbit
2:26:46 AM
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© Copyright 2006 Rod Kratochwill.
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