licentious radio

Friday, June 13, 2003
[4:05:44 PM]

Segway founder Dean Kamen once privately claimed that "any moron" can drive a Segway.

Mr. Kamen: You lied! George Dumbya Bush can't drive a Segway.

I don't know. Maybe Bush isn't just *any* moron. Maybe he's some kind of special moron that Kamen wasn't taking into account.

[11:27:07 AM]
Boy-genius Bush looks as smart as ever with his Middle East "roadmap". First step on the roadmap appears to be "total war".

All I can say is that I'm glad I used a different roadmap on my recent cross-country trip.

George: if you want to borrow my roadmap, just email.

[11:19:22 AM]
Why does everyone pretend that Bush doesn't lie?

The evidence is clear that he's a serial liar, on the most significant issues of the day. If he says anything that isn't obviously accurate, we should presume he lying.

When vile Republican propagandists attack anyone who suggests Bush or his minions lied, we should immediately counter that Bush has a clear track record of lying, and demand evidence that the statement in question isn't a lie.

We should not allow vile Republicans to weasel -- deception = lie. Hyping evidence that points one way and suppressing contrary evidence is lying.

If they use forged evidence, then claim they -- personally -- didn't know, we should demand their resignations for incompetence that cost the lives of hundreds of Americans and thousands of innocent Iraqis.

[10:44:06 AM]
Suspected WMD Lab Actually Burrito Wagon

Baghdad (licentious) -- Embarrassed US WMD inspectors admitted today that a supposed mobile poison gas lab is actually a burrito wagon.

Abdullah Hussein (no relation) showed up for work after an extended vacation to find his burrito wagon swarming with US weapons inspectors.

"First they accused me of making poison gas and anthrax. When I translated the sign for them -- Jose Hussein's Baghdad Burritos -- they accused me of using an alias," said Hussein, "but it's just advertising -- 'Jose' sounds more like a burrito purveyor than 'Abdullah'."

Hussein was particularly defensive about the poison gas charges: "It's not poisonous. It may be unpleasant in an enclosed space on a hot day, but there is nothing life threatening about gas passed from a burrito!"

As for anthrax, Hussein says inspectors found no trace of anthrax in his burrito wagon because he "had always assumed anthrax burritos would be unpopular". (And bad for repeat business.... Ed.)

The hungry weapons inspectors quickly overcame their embarrassment when they tasted the burritos. Private Jake Garcia of Los Angelos was ecstatic: "Just like Mama used to make."

In Washington, DC, administration officials tried to out-spin the budding Burrito-gate scandal. National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice said "There's no way anyone could have known that Hussein's mobile labs produced only burritos." George W. Bush, in a press conference, said "If I had known that day they were burrito wagons, I would have done everything in my power to prevent these unjustified attacks."