FOX: reality specials go to the dogs...  My dog is a television critic; he does not suffer stupid, offensive or violent tv shows for long. (He quietly walks out of the room or he whines in protest.) In an effort to boost ratings, FOX television has come up with some real dogs, err... make that reality television shows, designed to appeal to a Reality TV show hungry audience:

• Miss American Dog Pageant (aka Miss Bitch: Best in Show meets Miss America)
• Man vs. Beast (stupid humans compete with animals; all monitored by the Humane Society [ how in the world did the Humane Society ever agree to participate in this production.... )
• 101 things removed from the human body (gross-out show on things people ingested or were impaled by.) This could also help litigators document their clients' injuries, now that some American surgeons have 'fessed up to leaving surgical instruments and sponges inside their patients. [ABC News, CNN]

Note to Fox: this has all been done before ... on the web. 

For the real Miss American Dog Pageant try Creative dog styling: Mighty Dog meets Rainbow Barbie... AR Creative dog styling contests pit groomers against each other and the winning dogs are often dyed (vegetable color only please) in outrageous punk colors with themes to 'dye for:' Think 'poodle dyed green and yellow like a caterpillar'  or a goldfish or 'a poodle that looks like a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, or a dog 'gilded with scrollwork to look like Cinderella’s carriage... Groomers enter a creative styling contest with a borrowed dog  or even a rented dog...

For a better version of 101 things, try Strange Foreign Objects in Dogs Feces. How about a show: Man vs. himself, featuring some of the more interesting ways people have irreparably injured themselves (Cameron of overstated.net recounts an Alaskan urban legend that will cure you of ever storing liquor in your vehicle [not that you ever did]...). How about doing a show: Urban Legends: fact or fiction?

As for Man vs. Beast, the Animal Attack Files or The Exploding Cigar can beat any artificial situation you invent with a true story (sure to leave you squirming for days).

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