Man fatally shoots himself while trying to beat his dog to death with shotgun [Exploding Cigar]

Now... that's funny... Headline Competition at the Plastic Bag Gallery: amusing headlines translated into images... [via the wrongway goback wetlog]

East West magazine deconstructs the nominees ... even the comments are funny...

On tracking referers: '... if you happen to discuss your friend Britney's recipe for asparagus spears in the same month that you link to a page about dogs and wonder what sex your best friend's baby is going to be . . . well, you should be prepared to be the result of a [Google] "Britney Spears dog sex" search...' [One click closer to God Seattle Weekly via East West magazine] (exactly)

WatchDog Doo: Budget Burglar Deterrent Your kit includes a 'Beware of Dog' sign along with five piles of realistic dog poop designed by a Hollywood special effects artist. 'It's perfect for people who don't own a dog and can't afford an expensive burglar alarm system.'  The idea is that would-be thieves will see the sign, notice the lifelike piles in the yard and assume a watchdog is in the house....

(Hey, I did this too, before we adopted our dog... my technique was this: put a GIANT dog dish outside the back door, along with a MONSTER leash ...  hanging on a hook. To make it really work, you need a tape recording of a ferocious, barking dog that plays whenever the doorknob gets jiggled... I never bothered with that step... ) Actually, I think the dog dish and leash worked on us subliminally. Every few months, we'd say to each other, 'should we get a dog?' ...  12 years later, we hastily decided the dog dish and leash required a real dog. And now we can hand out real watch dog doo... (our dog is a three bagger).

Cat Cloned: Feline Evil Factor Multiplies Exponentially Now that we know that cat clones have evil personalities, this article from February, 2002, carries more weight. Think carefully... before you plunk down six figures for that clone of Fluffy of Fido. Actually, dogs are jealous of cats, since scientists haven't figured out how to clone dogs. (Maybe scientists know something we don't ... dogs can do a lot more damage than cats.)

The Ethicist: Is Googling OK? NY Times: Is Googling O.K.? 'it never hurts to search your beau's name along with the words ''ax murderer'.'... [google weblog]

Reports of animal cruelty triple TN A Humane Society study of families reports: in incidents of child abuse, 88% also abused animals. 'In two-thirds of the cases, the abusive parent had killed or injured the animals to control a child. In one-third of the cases, the children had abused animals, using them as scapegoats for their anger...  concern about a pet's welfare keeps many women from leaving an abusive relationship because there are no domestic violence shelters in the area that allow pets...'  [The Tennessean] Reports of animal cruelty triple

Related: State ponders animal cruelty laws, 8 Month Dog Beaten To Death In Front Of Boy, Animal Rights Group Reacts To Story, Findlaw: animal cruelty

Dog translations by email: Bowlingual takes a lesson from bloglet and will soon offer dog-to-human translations by email. 'Takara [Toys] has designed a system tentatively named "Bow-lingual mail" that automatically emails translations of a dog's barks to its owner...' [TechTV] 'Arf, Arf' Likely to Mean 'Feed Me Now!'

Shelter Officials Advise: Keep Animals Out of the Cold WV ... No matter what the temperature, windchill can threaten a pet's life. A dog or cat is happiest and healthiest when kept indoors during frigid times. ... [Wheeling News Register] Shelter Officials Advise: 'Keep Animals Out of the Cold' Related: Freezing, dead dogs removed from kennel, Frozen dog leads to animal cruelty charge, Cold: it's not just you

Well, some dogs have no common sense at all; ours is one of them.  He loves this frigid weather (in the mornings: 14 degrees with a wind chill of what feels like zero). He would rather freeze his little butt off than come in from the cold, and he isn't a complainer, which is dangerous in this weather. So, to protect him from his own stupidity, if he's outside, I'm outside... and I'm just plain freezing...  This morning he scampered around for half an hour before I could herd him into the house. Before I did, he raced around and showed me how he could jump over the little wrought iron fences which are supposed to keep him out of the flower beds...  and demonstrated what a good federal employee he'd make... if he thinks anyone is watching him, he gets busy fast. He pretends to hunt birds and squirrels; when he thinks nobody's watching, he flops down to watch the yard. (That's why he can't be left outside... he'd probably freeze silently... scary.) He's really an indoor dog, with his own bed and his own blankets which he requires we drape over him every night, before he can go to sleep...

Paris haute couture: no ordinary dog's life UK 'It's great being a fashion dog at the haute couture shows in Paris...' Valentino's dog leads a pampered life. [Telegraph] Paris haute couture: no ordinary dog's life Related: Dog model's ears insured for thousands

The straight poop on global warming In case you missed it, scientists have issued a warning: cows are passing way too much gas and endangering the ecology of the planet.

'Vacuum trucks scoop up cow pies in the field and dump them in digester facilities that turn the methane into clean energy. But there's no way to trap it all. Twelve percent of greenhouse gases that are believed to contribute to global warming are from methane. Landfills are the top methane producer in the United States; livestock is second...' [White Board News] (Dog poop contributes too. Scientists also say animal waste seriously impacts water purity... so pick up your dog's poop and help save the planet.) The straight poop on global warming

Yellowstone Park Service steamed over Metamucil ad WY A commercial in which a park ranger pours a glass of Metamucil into Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park to help the geyser stay regular is giving park rangers hissy fits. 'It suggests that it's OK to pour some substance into a thermal feature," Park Service spokesman Al Nash said. 'We've spent decades trying to educate visitors about the fact that it's harmful...' It's very harmful to attempt to enter thermal pools, which boil at extremely high temperatures. Two years ago, a man suffered severe burns trying to rescue his dog, who did not survive jumping in a thermal pool... [The Guardian, UK] Yellowstone Park Service steamed over Metamucil ad

Police to test trapped dog for mauling fatality IL Police are testing dogs trapped in the vicinity of the fatal mauling of a woman jogger last week; Another woman who survived a similar attack reported two pit bulls in the attack. A chow mix dog will be tested 'even though dog had no dried blood, scars or other marks on it that might indicate it was involved in the attacks.' On the day of the mauling, police shot and killed two pit bulls in the vicinity of the maulings; forensics determined only one of the dogs were involved. [News Digest] Police to test  dog for mauling fatality

Drug bust gone sour... NE The overpowering stench of dog urine smelled suspiciously like a meth lab to two sheriffs who were investigating reports of a sick child. When they busted down the door, a very protective rottweiler attacked. 'It smelled so bad that you just couldn't stand it.' The source of the odor: thirteen other rottweilers and pit bulls, all removed by the Humane Society. [Omaha World Herald] Bust gone bad: it smelled like meth, but it was ... dog urine

Woman dies attempting to save dog from pond CO 'She gave her life for her dog...' Her last walk with the dog at 7 pm ended with the puppy scratching at the door of its home and leading his family back to the lake where she had drowned, apparently walking onto the ice and successfully retrieving the puppy. She was unable to get out when she fell through the ice... 'She was the most loving and caring woman in the world you would ever meet...' [Rocky Mountain News] Woman dies attempting to save dog from pond

Dog saves man from roof collapse NH A therapy collie pushed his disabled owner out of harms way from beneath his snow-covered roof down a stairway seconds before the 4,000 pound roof collapsed onto the deck. 'He pushed his way out through the door and he came between my legs and the railing and he started pushing me and he started looking up at me. He just knew I was in danger and he got me out of there. It felt like a 300-pound guy was pushing me.'  [WBZ 4 New Hampshire News]

Canine Houdini's plane escape AU  Moe, the silky terrier, did a canine Houdini by 'breaking out of an aircraft cargo hold and leaping on to the tarmac.' During a flight from Sydney to Cairns, five-year-old Moe first broke out of his approved canine carrier cage; next he jumped and pushed on the cargo emergency release door with his paws... Luckily the cargo hold door has safety designs which do not permit it to open during flight. He had to wait until the plane landed and then easily jumped out of the cargo hold onto the tarmac... According to his owners, he started his career as an escape artist early: he mysteriously appeared on their door step as a puppy... (and they took him in) [News.com.au]