Monday, June 14, 2004

I was also thinking on the way home about how focus on military technology results in better military technology that's deadlier, smaller, easier to use, like the evolution of computing and telephony. I wish there were some way to channel that urge more effectively, that reptilian brain making us do very, very bad things. Walking Loki tonight, I thought about how old he was looking, limping a little as we crossed the street, and how little he was aware of his own aging, as I limped across the street, reminded how ignorant I am of my own aging. I just don't mend as quickly as I once did. 1:47:56 AM

The big Zionist conspiracy theory would contend that Israel, knowing that the United States would lose interest in stabilizing the MidEast - and hence protecting Israel - once the United States dependency on oil of any variety subsided, decided to take the long-term gamble and orchestrate a Republican dynasty in power, beginning with Ronald Reagan, that would utterly gut any spending on alternative fuel research to prevent that from happening. The thing that just completely drives me bonkers about Jew-based conspiracies, that the Jews are somehow this secret cabal controlling the world, is that when was the last time Israel invaded anyone with the intent for long term, pervasive imperialism? How can the people in power oppress themselves, by allowing any hate to grow against them? I just want to run into anyone saying anything about Jews being in control, or having an agenda, and pointing out that in being "smart" enough to realize that, you've demonstrated your stupidity in not recognizing that the people who truly wield power over you are the ones who benefit by your energy being distracted elsewhere. More likely, with Reagan's drastic cuts in alternative fuel research, the oil lobby recognized that if public consciousness ever caught on to the fact that fossil fuels were a problem, with the government defacto saying that fossil fuels were damaging the national health by researching alternatives, there would be a wholescale and rapid decline in use of fossil fuels. It probably wasn't even as much a concern about the immediate financial impact as the long term image problem they'd face probably already knowing from their own research that global warming IS real. That's one of the things that is just so generally messed up about we way we govern corporations these days - they've just gotten too big to be responsive to the needs of their "organic" communities, the effective commons that they use, responding instead to pressures of a market that is too far removed from the consequences to have any moral guidance. Global capitalism today isn't evil - that in some ways would be easier to measure and counter - it's completely amoral, at highly measurable cost, but no accountability to the lives it impacts, this stock market, the money market. I suppose one could argue that the liquidity and speed of transfer of goods and services provided by the global marketplace is helping advance society. But I'm not so sure that society needs to advanced in that direction. Do we really want to plod further into the endless stripmall of our souls, before, we, as a species, have a chance to climb the nearby mountains, and swim the nearby seas? That's a slippery slope. Thinking of things in these terms makes me think I should run Green. Not with the notion of having an impact, politically, in that time, but just to be part of a vanguard, saying, no, there is another way. Knowing that it may take 150 to 200 years for that party to go from a platform influencing gadfly, to an actual political force, to a period of assimilation and moderacy, to a decline in front of the next wave of using governence and process to advance the human meme. That doing so would simply advance things in my time a centimeter, so others later could advance a kilometer or two, before sinking back again, a bit. I also realized to tonight how to make my hypothalemus give me good fried foods juju, preventing a trip to Steak and Shake for onion rings. It was pretty cool, and makes me wonder if that's why the neocortex and hypothalemus are so nearby. If I even remember that correctly. I was going to go back and correct that to near one another, but I wonder which part of me chose the word nearby. But I think that's probably one of the ways that hardcore holy folks are able to endure intense trials and tribulations, dwelling literally inside their brains. I was more specifically thinking on the way home how my one continuing fantasy, whenever I begin exploring what the ultimate in sensuality would be, always comes back to the idea of painting someone's body with my sumi-e brushes, and then making love in the shower while the colors flow down the drain. I guess the connectivity that that would require, for that person to have the comfort level with me to let me do that, for me to have the desire, probably makes part of the sensuality actually being able to feel, projected into her and transmitted back to me, the actual sensation of the painting. The very thought makes me shiver. That and the airconditioning blowing on my arm, that I just noticed. This entire restaurant love triangle is a complete trip, watching these damaged individuals trying to find some recuperation of lost self in other damaged individuals. I sometimes feel as if I, and not they, am drunk and or stoned through their experiences. If looked like he was actually crying after their conversation. I keep wanting to ask him when attraction moved so quickly into almost obsessive love, same question for spurned lover of him. And I think the spurner may just have been dancing, caught up in the performance of self, not knowing that someone in the audience was going to find her so captivating, so convincing. I so love the intrigue of restaurant romance, where everything is so sensual and raw, a return to highschool hallway llaisons, except among fine food and wine and drugs, with people who actually have a much better idea of how to use their pencils and protractors, as it were. But the raw part is hard to watch sometimes, or hear, when you realize how much in pain some of these people are, especially, at times, the ones who seem most happy. 1:20:24 AM