I'm totally depressed tonight and angry....
reason #1 - let me first say - no one has the power to make me feel the way I do, I just do but i wish i knew what happened to Todd and why he no longer wants to talk to me..what the hell did I do wrong? I was totally honest with him and maybe I shouldn't have been..but I wanted him to know how I felt about everything and anything..I wanted him to get to know me and I wanted to get to know him....I tried all day to just forget that I ever met him but I can't because deep down I know that what I feel is real. And I wonder if he'll even meet me for a drink when I'm on vacation/looking for a job in Boston in a month. The vacation in Boston, I'll be honest, yes I want to meet him but the other reason i'm going to Boston is to explore and see if that where I'm meant to be in my life and a couple of interview and I have never taken a real vacation before but I really did want to meet Todd too.
reason #2 - I hate my job, the people I thought I could trust were/are the wrong people to trust. The person I thought was a friend turned out to be part of the "in" crowd and has turned against me. Our paychecks might bounce this week, everyone is angry at work and I'm beyond irritated with everyone and I have too much work for one person to handle and no one to help..essentially I really really hate my job. And my health insurance sucks at this company..I pay out of pocket more than I actually get any coverage. And really if you know someone is going to be on your computer during a migration, you might want to hide the crap you don't want them seeing. (one of the owner's left an email up that stated "I really don't like Julie seeing how much we lose each month because she has a big mouth but I suppose its inevitable since she is the only one who knows how to do the financials" which is bullshit, I don't talk, I don't share secrets, if I did everyone would know each other's passwords)
reason #3 - the thing with Tony is over. period. its was a bad decision a year ago and is still a bad decision. It stops now. He really pissed me off this morning..I'm just not into it any more.
reason #4 - vacation's can be expensive..guess that's why I've never taken a real one before..but trying to figure out how to budget for the pet sitting, the car rental, the hotel, the flight and what happens if my boss decides not to pay me for the week - which bill do I not pay in order to pay rent. I've bought the flight and the hotel for a week, I have the money for the car rental and spending money..but the pet sitter for 5 cats for a week is 300.00 and that's where I'm trying to figure how to pay for that..my cats are my family and they know their pet sitter..I know it will all work out but its stressful
and I'm still exhausted from last week...just tired, irritated, angry and depressed...and it sort of helps to write it all out but a couple of more days off would be great too..it would also be nice if the two people I'd love to hear from would write or say hi..
Still depressed...but maybe tommorrow will be better
7:52:28 PM 
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