Interesting thing this thing we call stress.
The dictionary term: A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences and capable of affecting physical health, usually characterized by increased heart rate, a rise in blood pressure, muscular tension, irritability, and depression
Yep, that would be it. I've been depressed all day, my ulcer is flaring up, my stomach feels really icky. my face is breaking out again. I slept in the middle of the afternoon, hence I'm wide awake now and what caused all this stress - TAXES!
My taxes due for 2004 are about 50% more than I have available in my checking account, which means I'll be making payments for the next 3 months just for 2004. Then 1st quarter estimated taxes are due - which I won't be able to pay and 2nd quarter taxes are due - which again I won't be able to pay because I'll be making payments on 2004 taxes. 3rd quarter and 4th quarter estimated taxes will get paid and then it will start all over again next year.
The goal was to pay off the credit cards and buy a house but how the hell am I suppose to do that when all my money is going towards taxes? and CA estimated taxes aren't going to get paid because I'll be paying federal taxes forever and ever..
Can't exactly figuring out why I'm blogging this except maybe to get it out of my head.
In theory, if my 2005 taxable income is estimated to be about the same from 2004, then I'll have to pay about 6K for federal income tax and if I make estimated payments of 4200 then each year the cycle should go down about 1K
I'm come to a conclusion though..live today don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow happens. Everything happens for a reason, magick happens. Stress isn't good for me, I spiral into depression and I can't go there again. If I'm in debt forever, then so be it. Life shouldn't be this hard but everything in my life has happened for a reason and its made me who I am today, a business owner struggling to find a balance. Tommorrow is a new day and I will attack my desk, get the budget thing figure out and finish the SYN project list.
12:53:02 AM 
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