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	Wednesday, March 17, 2004

FRANCES SECRET REASONS (A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT) Why wouldn't the French help out in Iraq? Lots of reasons: * The men of France had a list of vital chores to complete * As did the women * It's not easy finding a Girl Scout troop to surrender to during the busy cookie-selling season. * They were having trouble finding just the right jaunty angle to wear their berets. * Iraq didn't have enough stinky cheese to make the trip worth their while, but they did generously offer to invade Wisconsin. * They were afraid of getting their asses handed to them by the Iraqi boys soccer team. * Their tanks only run in reverse, so they couldn't help with the going in part. But if we need help with the pulling out part... * Desert camo colors clash with those tacky Where's Waldo shirts they all wear, and a fashion faux pas of that magnitude is considered a war crime. * Haven't yet perfected the bullet-proof beret. * The nation's ammo supply was already earmarked for cheese hunting season * They couldn't find an Iraqi phrase for "I am a surrender monkey" * Too busy laundering the oil-for-food money * Couldn't get permission from their mommies. * Troop movement logistics were problematic. Seems the collective stench from 200 French troops inevitably melts aircraft hulls. * Claimed there was no way to keep their frog supply fed in the "no fly zones" * Due to a nation-wide pig shortage, the  French Army was too busy rooting for truffles. * Couldn't invade until they figured out which wine goes with falafel. * The French constitution forbids the slaughtering of native populations outside the African continent. * Not enough benzene in Iraqi bottled water. * They're still bitter about Al Franken beating Jerry Lewis in the last round of Iraqi Idol. Oh, and they're a bunch of spineless, yellow-bellied cowards. SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! posted by Harvey at 7:52:58 AM  permalink  comment [] trackback []  HOME

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