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	Tuesday, March 30, 2004

BENEFITS OF APPEASEMENT (A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT) When I first heard that our former allies, the Spanish, had chosen to bend over and take the Vaseline-free loving of Muslim terrorists, I was very surprised. But after thinking it over, I decided that there might be some benefits for us if we followed them down Appeasement Street. If we give up, roll over and pretend it's September 10th again, then... Women will no longer have to worry whether their outfits clash with the terror threat level color code of the day, since everything goes with red. Environmentalists will be happier, since we'll no longer be bombing precious endangered species of sand. Employees at Jiffy Lube will no longer have to waste time asking you whether you want 10W-30 or blood for oil. Since filthy hippies won't have to spend their days at protest marches, normal Americans will once again be free to go outside without nose plugs. I'll finally be able to get my nail clippers through airport security. And I won't have to take off my pretty pink high-heeled shoes. What? The millions of innocent Muslims currently being tortured in Bushiter's concentration camps will finally be freed. Gucci will be able to make a fortune selling designer bomb belts. John Kerry can stop worrying about terrorism and focus on winning the war in Vietnam. Our troops will be safe from attacks, as long as they don't become civilians and get jobs in tall office buildings. Dan Rather will get more of the attention he craves since he'll no longer have to share the media spotlight with nattering warbloggers. Once the kooks have been properly appeased they may, as Frank J muses, start using less explosive techniques on us. Like shaving naughty words on the backs of our heads. We can be friends with the French again. At least for the five seconds it will take them to find another reason to hate us, like the fact that we don't speak their stupid, gibbery, monkey-language. Friends with the French?... On second thought, let's just kill the terrorists and be done with it.. SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! posted by Harvey at 7:10:29 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []  HOME

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