Tuesday, November 04, 2003

I remembered tonight what it felt like, that ringing of final major chord vibrating something deep within me, which sounds cliche' and is because there's no other way to describe it except to experience the elation of music. Even as a simple piece, my first Sonatina. I remember Mrs. Hubbard making me go through a piece measure by measure, note by note, first mastering the right hand, then the left hand, than taking it to tempo, then focusing on the nuance, the sparkle in the stone, almost as if she were teaching me sculpture. I'm starting to remember that now. That discipline. That how to learn. That how to practice when no one is around to hear those notes played over and over and over again. I practiced hard tonight, my Hanon making my forearms sore, my brain telling my fingers that the next piece wouldn't require you, three and four, creating just enough tension and interdigital positioning that I would be into the first few measures before the whole five would unite against the hand. I'm also remembering the keys again, both touched and heard. Hearing children walking outside made me think of a cool potential finding bobby fischer/billy elliot flick - one where a poor neighborhood scamp listens outside the window of a neighborhood piano teacher, who agrees to give him/her lessons for free. I still haven't figured out the conflict, the heart of the drama, and the heartwarming ending, maybe Juilliard, maybe playing something beautiful at a sad moment in his/her family's life. Last night, I cooked dinner for myself for the first time in so long I can't even remember. Just a spinach and potato frittata. I didn't even remember, until now, that I forgot to harvest my herbs. It will last me all week, I think, with my diminished ability to consume massive quantities of food at one sitting. I was thinking later about prophecy, about how the very act of bringing children into the world intentionally, with hope, is itself an act of prophecy and provocation, the belief that life can only get better. 12:39:36 AM