Friday, February 11, 2005

Dogs & Cats I didn't write this, and it has floated around the internet for awhile, but I saw it for the first time today and thought it was great.  Being the owner of a rather anti-social cat, I absolutely related to the second half of this.  If you are a pet owner, you probably will, too.  Sent to me at work:   EXCERPTS FROM A DOG's DAILY DIARY --------------------------------------------------------------------- 8:00 am - Oh, Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite! 9:30 am - Oh, Boy! A car ride! My Favorite! 10:30 am - Oh, Boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My Favorite! 11:30 am - Oh, Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite! Noon - Oh, Boy! The Kids! My Favorites! 1:00 pm - Oh, Boy! The yard! My Favorite! 4:00 pm - Oh, Boy! To the park! My Favorite! 5:00 pm - Oh, Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite! 6:00 pm - Oh, Boy! Playing Ball! My Favorite! 6:30 pm - Oh, Boy! Watching TV with my master! My Favorite! 8:30 pm - Oh, Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My Favorite! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT's DAILY DIARY --------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizzarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow, I may eat another houseplant. Today, my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time .... 6:23:32 PM     |

The Worst Story You'll Ever Read LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex. Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances. She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours." Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing. I could comment on this, but I think it speaks for itself.  Italics mine. 4:56:17 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.