Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Damned If You Do Never was a fan of Kirk Cameron.  Remember him?  He was one of the child stars of Growing Pains.  I thought his character was annoying and unrealistic, but he was just a kid, so I just chalked it up to inexperience and ignored him and the show. Fast forward ten years or so and Kirk is all grown up now.  But you know what hasn't changed?  Although he's now a hardcore Christian, frankly, he's still annoying and unrealistic.  Perhaps even more so. He now stars in the Left Behind movies.  If you've never heard of them, the Left Behind series basically attempts to spread the word of Christianity by scaring the crap out of people about the chance they'll be "left behind" when the Rapture takes place.  Runs the same course of logic that if you're naughty, not nice, you won't get any presents this Christmas.  Oh, and you'll probably burn in hell, too. So anyways, not only is Mr. Cameron churning out lousy movies, he's also keeping himself busy pointing virtual fingers at anyone who stumbles across The Way of the Master. After first I thought it was a new kung-fu movie, perhaps starring Kirk Cameron.  Imagine my disappointment when I found out it is a site dedicated to making you realize that you don't live up to any of the ten commandments and therefore thou shalt roast in Hades. I went through the quiz by clicking "NO," and from there I found out that not only do I not live up to the ten commandments, from what I gathered from the Scripture According to Kirk, no one does. Don't believe me?  Click on over to their website and see.  Even if you click "YES" on the Christian status query, you'll soon find out that while you might be ok, everyone you know and love will have an eternity in flames to ponder why they didn't follow your squeeky clean example. All in all, if anyone goes to The Way of the Master and believes even a tenth of the ridiculousness Kirk is spewing, frankly your hell should consist of being strapped to a chair, eyes propped open ala Alex in A Clockwork Orange, and be forced to watch a never ending stream of Growing Pains and the Left Behind movies.  That's got to be punishment enough. 6:10:42 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.