I'm depressed, ok I've said it. Nothing like a bout of depression to make you feel miserable and I keep asking myself why am I depressed? what the hell do I have to be depressed about anyways - I got a a great job I love, I own my own house, ok so I'm missing the great guy but I like myself, I like who I am, so why am I depressed? What trigger this? Wubbie died, that was the trigger and I have a history of depression and I refuses to go back on medication - I will not get hooked on a drug again so how do I get out of this depression before I lose my clients? before I push all my friends away? hmmm. Well for starters I am going to force myself to get up and clean the kitchen. And then I'm going to start blogging again - that's my self-help for myself - instead of bottling all this up, I'm going to write about it. I'm not going to censor my thoughts, there may be a post or two that catches someone off guard - that's not what I'm trying to do, just need to get my thoughts out of my head and those strange people that keep popping into my head after months of not thinking about them. I'm going to make myself get up in the morning and work and get out of this house - force myself to go to clients sites and at least pretend I like it even though deep down inside I just want to sleep and cry. I should know better - when I feel like curling up in the closet with my blanket - something is wrong. Wubbie died and I miss her so much but there was a reason she moved on and I know I can't see that reason right now but magick happens, I just need to remember that. I need to set a routine for myself - I need to get out of bed even if I don't wanna. I need to get up, get out and start to live my life and no more clients...I've got enough right now and I'm only one person, I need to learn to say no. No more. No more depression - go away and I need a break. I need to take a vacation away from the house, I'm thinking a spa weekend for myself. Get up, get out and get into a routine...magick happens, I will start to feel better even if I have to force a smile somedays.
1:49:00 AM 
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