licentious radio

Saturday, June 1, 2002
[6:15:40 PM]

Sacramento, California -- California Governor Gray Davis surprised the nation by announcing his engagement to Neil Bush, President George W. Bush's brother. A further surprise was the announcement that President Bush will provide funds to buy back oil leases off the coast of California, following the example set last week in Florida.

"We hadn't really intended to go forward with the engagement right away," said Governor Davis, "but sometimes good policy just makes for good family relations."

According to Davis, it's an arrangement in which everybody wins. True love conquers all, they say. The California coast will be protected from drilling, and Davis and Bush can display their love in public.

At the White House, President Bush was ecstatic at the opportunity to shovel truckloads of money from working-class tax-payers to the various energy corporations, which typically don't pay any taxes at all.

"Ever since the free market was subverted in California, energy companies have been suffering," Bush said. "These are great, American companies. They're our national treasure. And they were hurting, all because some terrorist-loving democrats were whining about paying the fair market price for their energy. Today, I've taken steps to reward the energy companies -- my campaign contributors -- for their efforts. It's a great day for America."

When asked about the engagement, President Bush was equally ecstatic: "Anything for Neil! He deserves all the happiness in the world. It was his friend's brother who almost managed to kill that Reagan guy and make Poppy president right away. And then there was the S&L deal, and the way Neil rigged things so the government paid off all the loans, and nobody got caught. That was no chump-change. Heck, I could go on for hours."