licentious radio

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"What kind of peace do I mean? What kind of peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children - not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women - not merely peace in our time but peace for all time." -- JFK
 
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licentious radio
Wednesday, July 3, 2002
[11:35:07 PM]     
Everybody's down on Anna Kournikova.... I mean, um, well, never mind.

[11:27:16 PM]     
drdish.com explains how licentious radio broadcasts worldwide with the highly underrated Fleetsatcom network of military satellites.

Alas, if we told you where to tune your dial, we'd have to move to a different frequency. Like a Heisenberg thing.

But we've got bots spidering the whole p2p network, and more bots tossing out the phony mp3s the RIAA is putting out, and more bots filtering out teen-age girl pop singers, and we're broadcasting the rest in a marathon without commercial interruption. Hopefully no military interruptions, either.

[5:23:06 PM]     
The LR WorldCom humor round-up:

--I sent Little George a share of WorldCom stock. I was thinking, "this is my two-cents about you stock-fraud criminals". Of course, today it turned out the share was worth *six cents*, so I was way off.

--"At MCI-WorldCom, we make money the old-fashioned way: we bribe politicians."

"That's so quaint. At Halliburton, we have no need to bribe politicians. We bought the whole damned government outright."

--sul-li-van n. A financial obligation not tallied against the score, granted in informal play after a poor performance, especially from a large accounting company. (dictionary.com)

Example: WorldCom, off by 3.6 BILLION DOLLARS.

Licentious Radio reports:

Kenneth Lay comments on WorldCom.

Bush to investigate WorldCom.

And the favorites from SatireWire:

REMAINING U.S. CEOs MAKE A BREAK FOR IT [satirewire.com]: El Paso, Texas -- Unwilling to wait for their eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of public U.S. companies made a break for it yesterday, heading for the Mexican border, plundering towns and villages along the way, and writing the entire rampage off as a marketing expense.

Supreme Court rules earnings should be protected as "art" [satirewire.com]: "Yes, well, a man with a concretized view of the world may only be able to see numbers that 'Don't add up,'" said a haughty Sullivan. "But someone whose perceptions are not always chained to reality -- a stock analyst, say -- may see numbers that, like the human spirit, aspire to be greater than they are."

Finally, a note to PR firms: please coach the remaining CEOs and board members in *advance*. We don't want any more auto-satirization like "Our senior management team is shocked [-- shocked! --] by these discoveries."

This kind of thing hurts the punditry business -- who can recite the Casablanca line ("I'm shocked -- shocked! -- to discover gambling...") if management does it first? Consider it a professional courtesy from PR flaks to pundits. (You need us as much as we need you.) Thank you.

[4:53:20 PM]     
But the most remarkable scandal of the day is the SEC case that was thrown out because two of the three SEC commissioners had been on the Ernst & Young payroll. Pitt, most fouly, had been the EY lawyer for the case that was just dismissed. (washingtonpost.com)

It's mind-boggling. If two out of three SEC fatcats are dirty, you can't prosecute a crime.

Dirty, dirty, dirty. Bring us their heads!

[4:39:56 PM]     
They finally tracked down Bush's story about the trifecta, and discovered it was Gore who said: "Barring an economic reversal, a national emergency, or a foreign crisis, we should balance the budget this year, next year, and every year." It should have been obvious all along -- that's way too smart for the Dummy to have uttered. (Milbank [washingtonpost.com].)

[4:36:22 PM]     
Let's not forget W. inherited the profits Prescott Bush made on slave laborers at Auschwitz.

[4:34:33 PM]     
Let's not forget Kmart.... Enriched ex-CEO left company struggling [freep.com]: "Shareholders saw more than $3 billion in equity wiped out, creditors were stuck with $6 billion in unpaid bills, 22,000 workers were fired and the jobs of Kmart's 225,000 remaining employees are still in jeopardy."

[3:54:46 PM]     
It's like tag-team scandals. The Bush mafia keeps throwing scandals at us so fast you can't grasp one before the next one hits. Does anybody even remember White -- the guy who set up a profiteering/racketeering operation to haul money from California bank accounts, the guy who knew Enron was going down and still rigged a bunch of Pentagon contracts to throw taxpayer money to Enron so the executive team could steal it outright, or launder it through their off-shore machinery?

"Tell you what General, how 'bout you bomb another wedding, to take some of the heat off us for this WorldCom scam?"

"Oops. You figured out the lies about Harken? At least it keeps Halliburton off your lips for a few days."

When these guys go down it's going to be like a shark feeding frenzy.

[10:24:06 AM]     
I notice Mark Shields' column today has AWOL written all over it: AMERICAN CORPORATIONS AWOL IN THE U.S. WAR AGAINST TERRORISM [creators.com].

It's not even mostly about Little George. Keep up the good work!

[9:58:20 AM]     
Cupertino, CA -- Darth Fiorina today admitted that her compensation for firing thousands of employees has been affected by the undesired attention.

"I was on track to get the standard CEO compensation, $1 million per thousand employees fired," said Darth. "But with all the attention from Brutus Hewlitt's proxy battle, the Board of Directors pulled a fast one on me."

Darth's new compensation is down to $400,000 per thousand workers dumped onto the unemployment rolls during the current economic downturn.

But all is not glum! According to Darth herself, "...so we decided to fire twice as many workers. Plus, the $400,000-per is going to be all off-shore and untraceable, so the legal fees I would have paid to avoid paying taxes will go away, and I pretty much come out even financially. But firing 30,000 workers looks a lot better on the resume than firing just 15,000."

As a child, Darth says, she had a Ziggy poster saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Obviously she took that message to heart.

[12:02:24 AM]     
MediaWhoresOnline.com is hotter than ever. Read daily. Read twice a day.

I was thinking this even before they started quoting me, but now there's evidence that the MWO folks are big-time smart.

MWO asks for campaign advice for Democrats (mwo@mediawhoresonline.com).

Here's mine:

"Name one thing" that's better than when a Democrat was president.

"Bring us their heads" (the corporate thieves, the Bush appointees, Cheney, Bush, Army officers who can't find Bin Laden, but keep bombing weddings, everybody)

"To the chain gang with Cheney" and the rest.

People mention that Bush went AWOL. Excuse me, he deserted during a war. His Daddy got someone else thrown off the list for the Air National Guard, and got W. in. The other guy's name could be on the Wall right now. But W. was a drug addict, and deserted. Call him a dirty deserter.

On the other hand, rub it in: "Where was Bush when we needed to prevent corporate financial abuse? Bush was AWOL. Where was Bush when the terrorists were planning September 11? Bush was AWOL. How could Bush make such stupid proposals about Palestine? Bush's brain is AWOL."

Most of all, get over this ueber-patriotism, ueber-religious non-sense where Republicans automatically get a pass and Democrats automatically get insulted. Democrats should refuse to tolerate any hint of that.



© Copyright 2002 john robert boynton.
Last update: 9/27/02; 11:07:26 PM.