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Tuesday, January 14, 2003 |
Study Finds More Children Taking Psychiatric Drugs. The number of children and adolescents who take a wide variety of psychiatric drugs more than doubled from 1987 to 1996. By Erica Goode. [New York Times: NYT HomePage] I think the NYT is secretly trying to unbalance my stomach acid. I maybe should stop reading now, before I learn too much. A customer asked me the other day what I thought about human cloning. That's always tricky, when someone you're relying on to help make your house payment asks you an otherwise perfectly acceptable conversational question. Waiting often makes me feel like a politician. Except I have six or seven podiums I have to run back and forth from. I answered blandly that while I was concerned about some of the regulatory issues, I'm opposed even more so to science being told it can't proceed down a certain path. The fact is that I'm not opposed to cloning at all. I can't think of any discoveries (just some methodolgies) I oppose. What I object to is the fact that we're investing so many dollars and so many resources in medical technology when we're not able to meet basic nutritional needs. I'd like to say that we can't spend another dollar on any medical research until children have food. Mothers have prenatal care. But that's not the answer either. I wore my reverse heel technology shoes all weekend at work, four days in a row. Earth shoes by Kelso. My dad asked me about them when I was home over the holidays, and I told them they were great for standing around in, not so good for walking. This weekend proved that statement wrong. And having them help keep my posture when I'm standing around makes sure my oxygen level, blood level is good. I told Rick, the general manager, last night, meaning the sexual innuedo, which is true as well, with all that yoga does to keep blood flowing through that pelvic girdle, that my Earth shoes keep me erect all night. But the posture thing is really true. My feet are my lifeblood. Even after I'm done waiting, I don't think I'll ever think of my feet the same way. They have been my best friends over the last year, suffering through miles of abuse and experimentation. Now, I know them better. I know what they like. They're less like the strange reptilian appendages they sometimes seemed and more like mongoose, cute and furry and sleek, but capable of turning it on when danger is near. Riki-tiki-tavi. I love my feet. 10:55:00 AM ![]() |
Finally, I think by Tuesday this time, we will have the Syzygy Website, version one, up for the world. I think, tonight, I am genuinely tired. Still a little wired, I think from watching all the Syzygy balls juggling right now, and they will land when they land. Note to self: don't talk to any girls when stressed about work. Or at least treat them as you would a client, with detached precision, if only for the discipline of it during the stressful time. While I was definitely digging Jamie, I think, over the past week, I was trying to close the deal, for the completely arbitrary reason that I perceived my time was going to dry up starting Friday. I have some of that same anxiety over the Zoo, over St. Johns, but I'm able to understand how the deal works, and wait, and bide my time. And those are, right now, so much more important than some vague notion of enjoying an occasionally shared bed with someone, who while pretty cool, kind of walked randomly into that maelstorm, my wanting that, to help me check in at the end of the day, make sure I'm only normally insane. When things are just going to be a little crazy for a while, with or without that grounding. It makes me think of the randomness of my deciding to take the job in Ocala, Florida (with other reasons as well) when I saw myself in the mirrored glass of the United Way of Volusia County that morning and thought I looked like a campaign director after deciding, resolutely, that I wasn't taking the job. And that night in Sqwires, I tried to not go with her so many times, partly, paradoxically, because I like her and didn't want to get caught up in anything so rushed by time, which I ended up doing myself. The more distance I get from it, which small things don't demand much of, I'm only slightly embarrassed, not bummed. The only thing that will make me a little sad in passing is that I just now got it that she liked me for me - that I didn't need to belabor the sale, justify for me why she would want to be with me at all. She just did. Makes me wish, with that whack to my head, that I could go back in time and just be me, and enjoy her, and enjoy her enjoying me, and enjoy me enjoying her. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, but didn't. That's so symbolized for me, fixed in my mind, by my pondering for a second, seeing her in my bed, and then rummaging around in my closet, changing into my clown prisoner pajamas, with the red and white stripes, rather than climbing into my own bed naked, as I always sleep anyway, to enjoy a moment in time with beautiful woman waiting for me to climb into bed with her. Like I have to be an arbitrer as to why someone likes me to determine if she's worthy to like me. There's a part of me that wondered that night if she'd heard stuff from some ex-girlfried about my libido. I just didn't get it, Jamie being there at all. The whole trick was that it wasn't a trick. She just liked me. That's the only, and a pretty huge one, ongoing regret I think I'll have - not ultimately trusting enough in my own attractiveness to simply roll with it. Oh well. I'm still breathing. Better now even. And I have another tricky place where I know to remember to breath. Wednesday, Jans and I present for the St. Louis Attractions Association. For all the passion and thought and commitment that Jans and I have in this business, I can't help thinking that it all still ultimately comes done to evangelizing. And evangelizing, no matter how compelling the message, all comes down to how many doors we knock on, how many proposals we have out. And gone, gone are the days when you could get by having 30 or so floating at a time to make a sustainable business. I don't know what the figure is for sure now, but it's going to demand at least a midwestern presence to make this thing work. I'm starting to think we should get some capital just to start doing some direct marketing in select cities, pay for travel. The tricky bet in all of that is how to deal with that success - that may grow us faster and bigger than we want to be. Being back at work and lifting Fiona hours each week and doing yoga and lifting weights is making me shrink again. Which is making me more motivated to continue to do all those things. 1:38:01 AM ![]() |