Wednesday, January 22, 2003

I think people like small companies, start up companies. Half the battle for AB's business was won because people wanted to be our patron. We have short window of opportunity to be small, and then we're no longer cute. Speaking of cute, Fiona and I rocked it out to Sprung Monkey - So Cal Loco (Party Like a Rock Star) during Dance Party night in the Carton Corral (which is tricky, that mosh pit, especially when the wierd little toys start talking back at you), and then danced to that catchy little ditty about baby's feet being good to eat, watching mommy clean, so funny, makes me burst my spleen. Maybe Britney Spears? I don't know where the kids come up with these crazy songs.  I secretly long to babysit some night just so I can sit and watch all the baby Einstein videos. I figure it's never too late to watch audio and visually stimulating videos, for key developmental stages. I may turn out to be a genius yet. Now, if I could only get my hands on an Evil Knieval stunt bike, with the little notched string launcher, all my own childhood deprivations would be relieved. 10:12:04 PM

Man, every time I irrigate my sinuses, I'm amazed at how such a simple procedure makes such a huge difference. I wish there were some way of irrigating my brain, sometimes. Cleaning out the rough spots. But that would be more a process of cleaning battery terminals. I wonder if learning how to communicate telepathically is an issue of the physics of finding a media for tranference, the wires as it were, or the coding. I wish we had physicists working on the issue, and electrical engineers instead of Dionne Warwick. Last night, I got another of the quality of life benefits of waiting tables, after you've been doing it for a while. Free drinks. Free food I've experienced. But knowing the bartenders different places, through different connections, and getting huge pours, or only getting rung up for one when you've had a few. It doesn't completely balance the reduced income, but it helps. And free beads. Just for showing my pecs. Last night I had the perfect fusion of bawdy and opportunity when Stu, after I made Renee a rocking BLT, asked if I could make him a Whopper. I told him I could sure stick some meat between his buns. That crew, and I hope we get a permanent one who keeps that dynamic, makes working Tuesday completely incidental to an entire evening devoted to crazy humor. Going to Mike and Mins now every Tuesday night after work, now that I actually have a Friday night at Sqwires, reminds me of visiting my brother in Boston and hanging out in the pub he hung out in every Tuesday, after, months ago, telling a woman he'd met that if she decided to break up with her boyfriend, after she told him how unhappy she was with him, that he would be at this pub. Every Tuesday. I'm over my cold now, both the start of the literal and the end of the figurative. Irrigated the sinuses, irrigated the kidney. I think there's something to, there must be, commemorating major life events and celebrating with booze. I didn't even tie one on last night, but I feel better just having a little boozing under my belt. 11:01:16 AM

One of the fascinating processes of bloggin, as a nominally trained participant observer, is that I keep wanting to go back and delete or edit personal revelations in previous blogs, and whenever I do, and I read them directly, rather than thinking of them in the abstract, I don't. They have a life, and legitimacy, of their own, so much so that when I read them, they seem like someone else wrote the words. While that is true too with my paper journals through the years - they seem familiar, but have, even a day later, a historical context that makes them seem completely removed from me in the present, as if I've uncovered something in some long forgotten corner of the library - I have the power, the immediate power to erase my thinking, at least to the public, with a blog. And I can't make myself do it. I can't. Strangle those babies, as it were, to paraphrase, or maybe even quote directly, Vonnegut. This is what it is. Mano a monitoro. Late at night generally. Sometimes during the day. And it's going down. And staying down. Regardless of the consequences, because those consequences - they're all natural, and real. The blog could be beacon, could be warning, but it's me Those converasations I have with myself, while they often distract me from what seems to be a most important task at hand, also sustain me, provide the foundation by which I live my life, anchor me in my KI, or whatever my lifeforce is. With consequences that, while they sometimes seem harsh in the moment, always lead to things better. 2:22:41 AM