Sunday, May 09, 2004

I think I miss the restaurant lifestyle. It feels so liberating to be out later than anyone else can stay out, sleep in later, eat and drink well, and make your money primarily from people who are chasing that brass ring. 11:38:35 PM

One of the things that is starting to make sense for me is how real many of the stories that restaurant folks who are also actors and writers tell. Even the imagination slightly encouraged can take the lives and activities of the dysfuntional and turn them into even more interesting stories. The idea of romance as some simple concept that one does not need to engage fully in and question and experience pain and sometimes agony over is akin to the surbuban god so many people worship today, one with only answers. Or the god that fanatics worship, of varying religions. 2:18:37 PM

So I'm driving home tonight, plantar fasciitus throbbing through my whole body, and I'm listening to my brain diagnose and prescribe, the feet are hot. What cools the hot. Cold. What cools the feet. Ice. As if some lesson in remedial mind body connection. I anticipated it more than early making out, which is actually more pleasure than first love making, I think, in that it doesn't involve any of the awkwardness, the really, really learning ones' bodies, especially one's own, just making out fun. Unfortunately, the mind body connection ended when my feet actually felt the ice. It's excrutiating. I was also thinking tonight that if the "inner child" were asking for healing from my wounds, that an interesting approach might be, rather than trying to engage on some intellectual level - "I'm sorry you felt this" - that the invitation to play might be a great way to begin the trusting among different personality aspects of ourselves. And allow us to learn more, even from the hurt and weak parts of ourselves that we further shunt away. I was also thinking about how painful it must have been for the families of holy people throughout the eons, that St. Francis of Assissi, sainthood or no, probably royally pissed off and alienated his royal family. How painful it must have been for the Buddha's family. How, if we knew the true historic origins of Jesus, might find that he had a relatively priviliged life. Perhaps it requires having privilige to understand that it does not prevent suffering. 3:13:30 AM