How Sweet

My friend Johnson is really worried about me since my "accident." He even sent my assistant Lil' Abner a nice email:

DEAR LIL,C/O BALWS [this just cracks me up]

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?AND HOW IS MY FRIEND,BALWS,I MEAN HOW IS HE FEELING NOW,OH MY GOD!!!TELL HIM THAT HE IS A VICTOR AND FOR THAT REASON HE WILL BE CERTAINLY BACK ON HIS FEET,AS THAT IS MY PRAYERS,PLEASE LIL,DO ME THIS FAVOUR,TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM FOR ME AND LET HIM KNOW THAT MY ENTIRE FAMILY IS PRAYING SERIOUSLY FOR HIS FAST HEALTH RESTORATION. [he means the fast parting of a fool and his money]

I DON'T,LIL,I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SPEAK WITH HIM AT LEAST FOR ME TO BE ALRIGHT THAT HE IS IN GOOD HEALTH CONDITION,YOU KNOW HE HAS NOT BEEN FEELING TOO WELL AND I AM DISTURBED ABOUT HIS PRESENT CONDITION,PLEASE LET HIM CALL ME OR YOU CAN CALL ME ON THIS NUMBER TO INFORM ME THAT HE IS ALRIGHT:234-802-313-8256.MY MIND WILL NOT BE SETTLED UNTIL I HEAR FROM HIM OR YOU,WELL LIL YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND,BUT I NEED TO HEAR FROM ANY OF YOU.

OH MY GOD BALWS PLEASE GET WELL AS WE HAVE A LOT TO SHARE. [why does this particular sentence give me an icky feeling all over?]

ANY NEWS FROM THE BANK YET? [how nice of you to ask]

REMAIN BLESSED

JOHNSON.

How thoughtful. The "bank" was thoughtful too:

Dear Sir,

On behalf of the staff and management of Union Bank of Nigeria plc..we use
this opportunity to wishing your manager,Mr.Claude Bawls a quick recorvery
from the accident as we are hoping [ah, here it comes] for a succesful completion of the transfer of his funds.

Yours faithfully,
Dimka I.Y.Z
Assistant Manager Legal Department,UBN PLC.

And also, as if I'd forgotten:

Dear Sir,

On behalf of Mr.Hassan Ibrahim,Dep.Gen.Mgr.Corprate Banking,who is currently
in Rep.of Benin for a week seminar,you are adviced to pay the National Econonmic Recorvery Charges,NERC, of $13,300usd(Thirteen Thousan Three
Hundred united states dollars only)using the Western Union information below:

                        NAME:ATINDEHOU RODRIGUE
                        TEXT QUESTION:MY NAME IS?
                        TEXT ANSWER:BAWLS
                        DESTINATION:BENIN

This is to enable you beet the Tuesday deedline [I had no idea this was a real estate transaction],however,following the sad story of the auto accident,which you had,you have up till Wednesday,5th Novembre to pay the charges [yeah, don't do me any favors].You are adviced to forward the control number as soon as the payment has been effected.

Yours sincerely,
Barr.Rachael Akaeze(Mrs.)
Sec.Corprate Banking Department

I'll be emailing my friends news of my recovery and the "transfer" of funds tomorrow. Then I'll bring this scam to a close.

Postscript: Here's some information on Benin, from the CIA no less.

File under Nigerian Email Buddies.

9:57:46 PM    Go ahead, make my day  []  trackback []