Saturday, April 12, 2003

For Sale: The Virginity of a 19 year old guy Found this on eBay:  You are bidding on an oppertunity to take a guys virginity. A chance like this happens very rarely so don't miss this exciting opertunity. Requirements All bidders must be: At least legal age but younger than 20, desease free, in the Boston/Northshore area, drug free, looks dont really matter but I must be able to look at you without throwing up, and most importantly FEMALE. If the bidder is a virgin also that would be a plus. If you have any questions feel free to email me. Thank you and Happy Bidding! AOL Screenname: rob71991 Surprisingly he doesn't seem to care if the "FEMALE" can spell.  And with lines like "looks dont really matter but I must be able to look at you without throwing up," I really can't see why he's still a virgin.  Women -- can't live with 'em, can't get 'em in the sack unless they bid for the honor of having you fumble around with them in the dark trying to locate the elusive "desease free" grotto of love.  Exciting "opertunity" indeed. Current bid: $2.75. 10:16:17 PM     |

Gotta Have A L33T Name Time to get a new online name that will cause all that read it to bow and make way for your utter coolness-ness.  If you're stuck trying come up with something snappy and memorable, then try the Gamespy Naminat0r.  I tried it and the Naminat0r came back with: Your new screen name is: FrothyRimjob Can't say I'm proud of my new moniker, but the Naminat0r has spoken.  Soon as I have the time, I'll rename this site [ random acts of frothyrimjob ]. Almost has a ring to it.  Post yours to the comments below if you'd like. 7:38:22 PM     |

Battle For The Border How bad must your life be to try and sneak across the border dressed as a car seat?  Or hidden behind a dashboard?  Apparently this is fairly common.  Some folks are pretty upset about the whole "illegal alien" thing.  IllegalAliens.us wants help to "stamp out undocumented nonsense."  Some guys think "the government is allowing illegal aliens to take over the U.S.A."  Another site shows pictures of the "desert invasion."  Yet another site just wants to stop the invasion and asks "which part of the word 'illegal' don't you understand?" next to a painting of the battle of the Alamo. Living on the border, I do realize that this is a huge issue with some people, both for and against the not-so-legal immigration coming from Mexico.  Personally, I feel that if someone wants to live here, great, but you still have to go about it legally.  I'd love to live in England, myself, but I'm not going to try slipping into the country without going through proper channels.  You'll never see me disguised as a suitcase on the luggage belt at Heathrow. The saddest thing is that Mexico is brimful with all the natural resources a country could want to be as prosperous as any nation, yet it is mostly going to waste.  Take for example how we nearly destroyed Japan during World War II, but just a few decades later they were one of the most prosperous countries in the world, with nowhere near the resources Mexico has on hand.  No one's dropped atomic bombs on Mexico.  No one has invaded it lately.  In fact no one seems to be messing with Mexico at all except its own people.  But until those very people figure out how to get rid of all the corruption and fix what is wrong with their society rather than abandoning it, we can look forward to more smuggling of people dressed as upholstery.  Or dashboards. By the way, there's an excellent article that Texas Monthly published a couple of years ago about the illegal immigration problem in and around my hometown of Eagle Pass, Texas.  Its a very interesting read if you haven't seen it yet: Battle for the Border:  page one Battle for the Border:  page two Also by the way, these people are idiots.  They are just making the whole situation worse. 2:27:56 PM     |

Man Handled I'm probably the only guy in this town who gives a rat's ass, but Manchester United just delivered a swift kick to the groin of Newcastle and, by proxy, Arsenal.  This without David Beckham in the line-up. The score ended up 6-2 in Man-U's favor, but even though the game was on the road, it wasn't even that close.  In fact it was 6-1 up until the last couple of minutes when Fabian Barthez decided to gift one back to the home side.  Manchester actually should have been up at least two more goals if Diego Forlan hadn't acted as though he were afraid he might break the ball if he hit it too hard.  But behind Paul Scholes' historic hat-trick, Manchester United firmly put the third place Newcastle team back in their place, and sent a strong message to the newly second place Arsenal that the English Premiership title wasn't theirs yet.  In fact, the tie is broken and Manchester have succeeded in chasing down an Arsenal team that seemed to have locked-up the title only a few weeks back and now the Red Devils of Manchester go three points ahead of them. Up next is a crucial match against said Arsenal, which could decide who'll end up with the Premiership crown this season.  That is set to be played in London in only a little more than four days and four hours. But who's counting? Me. 9:04:14 AM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.