Sunday, December 07, 2003

Elves Need Love, Too It would have to absolutely suck being an elf.  Not being a little geen fellow, I can only imagine the harsh working conditions up at the North Pole.  The hellacious deadline to meet every year, what with having to come up with at least one toy for every kid on Santa's list.  Speaking of Santa and his list, that slave-driver checks it twice for mistakes.  On the job accidents must be common.  Plus, knowing that elves are a dime a dozen in today's employment market, job security can only be iffy at best.  Yes, it must be incredible tough being one of Santa's little helpers this time of year. So in order to relieve all the built-up stress of the holiday season, an elf has to get some lovin' from another elven shorty.  If Liv Tyler walks into the bar, the little horndog needs to have his best line ready -- especially if he ain't no Legolas.   Being one to always want to help, I've found a few pick-up lines that are guaranteed to get an elf in the sack with the Arwen of his dreams: 10. All day I make toys -- all night I make love. 9. Has anyone ever told you you have beautiful knees? 8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a little wild man. 7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler. 6. That's quite a set of ornaments you've got there. 5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys. 4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list. 3. Just because a guy wears tights doesn't mean he's gay. 2. I'm down here. 1. Not everything about me is tiny.   Related Sites: Elf Love Elf Sex:  The Official Tolkien Version The Professional Association of Santa's Elves 5:36:03 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.