Wednesday, March 31, 2004

By A Nose I found out through the comments section of my last post that apparently some of you are into noses.  Specifically those noses belonging to Marcela and myself.  And hey, that's fine.  Whatever gets you off is ok by me.  Be it far from me to come between someone and their sick/twisted/perverted nose fetish. That said, I decided to find out what the net had to offer a nose freak.  I mean the internet seems to be able to cater to just about every other kind of deviancy, what not those who have an unusual facination with noses?  There's gotta be something out there, right? You're damn straight there is! So after nosing around a bit, here's what I came up with: If you're into noses and have a bit of a beastiality streak, then I recommend Dognose Heaven, the place to satisfy all your wet nose needs.  Thirteen galleries of cold, wet dog noses.  Amazing what technology can now bring into our homes.  What next?  Fourteen galleries of cat asses? Not everyone's nose is as perfect as mine.  In fact, some noses are downright grotesque.  Luckily there are ways to reshape that pitiful protruding piece of proboscis into something worth looking at.  One way is Laser-Assisted Rhinophyma Correction.  What's that you ask?  It's hardcore, that's what it is.  Just check out those before and after pictures.  Not only did those guys gain a new face, but they also shaved off a few pounds.  Bonus! Now even though we know that size isn't everything, some folks just have to believe that bigger is better.  Nose nuts are no different.  And just like with breasts, there's a debate raging about which is better:  natural or surgically enhanced?  Well, you can explore both sides of the fence at the Big Nose Appreciation Page.  Sir Mix-a-lot may like big butts, but others seem to think that nostrils big enough to warm your hands in are where the real action is at. Who doesn't like nose tricks?  Pulling rabbits out of a hat is nothing.  Once you've seen a guy pull a snake through his nose, then you know the true meaning of showmanship.  Luckily after that tiger mishap, there's room on the Las Vegas strip for this talented gent. Going back to the bigger is better debate, there's also a camp that prefers length.  Pinnochio-type length.  And they like them on their women.  Personally, I think they'd come in more handy on a guy, but maybe that's just me.  Check out Pinnochia to see what I'm getting at. And if you didn't think noses could be mysterious, think again.  Last year someone in Amsterdam left a suitcase full of 2,000 baboon noses at the airport.  Holy crap!  I don't even know how to get my hands on one baboon nose, much less 66 pounds of the damn things.  And what do you do with 2,000 monkey noses in Amsterdam, anyway?  Smoke 'em? So if you don't know where I'm going with this by now, let me just lay it out for you:  the path of nose fetishism is a long and lonely one.  Get off that road now while you're young and still have a chance.  Go do something normal like stare at boobs or butts.  Eyes are a safe choice.  Even hands.  Just don't let me catch any of you walking through some foreign airport trying to figure out a way to get 2,000 cold wet noses through customs.  I'll help them lock your twisted ass up. 4:38:12 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.