11. Thou Shall Not Carry A Balance
Do you have high credit card balances? Have to pay an obscene amount in finance charges? Own enough credit cards to play solitaire with? Do you believe in God?
If the answer is "yes," then your prayers are about to be answered.
Introducing ChristianOneLowBill.org, the salvation you've sought since you first heard that sinister question: "Cash or credit?"
Salvation from (and I quote directly from your new saviors' website) "one of Satan's best weapons...your debt."
That bastard.
That sneaky little, cloven-hoofed, high-interest-rate-charging mother f'er. I knew my credit card bills were the work of the Devil. Now I have proof.
And since this is the work of the Prince of Darkness, shouldn't one of the wealthiest organizations in the world, the Catholic Church, chip in? I bet the Pope could find all the money I need to get Citibank off my ass under the cushions of his holy couch.
I'll even go to confession: "Forgive me, Father, for I have charged..."
Whatever it takes. This is a fight for my eternal soul.
Or at the very least, for my 32" screen TV.
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