Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Easy As Pie Whoever came up with that line, in the vernacular of my students, was gay.  I've been trying to bake a pumpkin pie for the better part of two hours and all I'm getting is a black ring with a gooey center.  Looks like a tire with orange baby food poured in the middle. Probably tastes like it, too. 10:20:09 PM     |

This Sucks If you have a minute of free time today, you should try this:  Vacuuming the Lungs. Feels... interesting.  Gives you about the deepest breath you've ever had. 8:15:49 PM     |

Bow Down Before The One You Serve You know, I honestly don't care if you're Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, Buddist, or a Jedi, but when you're worshipping images you see on trees, shadows, water stains, pizzas, or whatever, I've got to wonder why you think your Diety would choose to represent his/her/itself to the world in that way.  Whatever happened to a god showing up with a halo, or wings, or a lightning bolt, or something impressive like that?  What supreme being would want the masses to gather around a potato chip that sorta looks like a guy. The latest case is the grilled cheese sandwich that sold on eBay for $28,000 because some desperate people think they see the Virgin Mary burnt into the bread.  Sure I can see the rough image of a face, but to me it looks like Marilyn Monroe.  Or maybe Mrs. Brady.  Or any random person.  Why the @^%# does it have to be the Virgin Mary? And let me ask you this, oh faithful one, what special message does this convey?  Why send this image on a grilled cheese sandwich?  Don't you think, out of all the ways messages can be delivered, that this one is -- oh, I don't know -- kinda cheesy?  (pun intended).  And why specifically that?  Why not a Pop-tart?  I mean if someone woke up one morning with a perfect crucifix mark and the word "repent" seemingly tattooed on the middle of their forehead, that would be a impressive message.  If someone burns a piece of bread -- well, I'm not so sure. Actually, I am sure.  I'm sure anyone who sees that grilled cheese sandwich as a sign from God is not only seriously confused as to their religious convictions, but are also in need of better ways to spend their time and money.  Or if you're going to throw $28,000 at a 10-year old sandwich, why don't you toss some cash in my direction? Excuse me while I go try and burn a picture of Jesus onto my pancakes.  I sense an opportunity. Related links: Fishing for Jesus:  my hometown isn't immune to this type of lunacy What Would God Hate?:  God has a message and it's he hates you. 4:38:46 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.