Monday, October 18, 2004

I voted tonight.  It took me some time because one of the amendments I didn't really understand (what it was changing and which way I should mark it to agree or disagree).  I finally found a good breakdown that explained that fully.  If I were an average voter, would I have known that before I went in to vote?  To send it back in requires the use of three envelopes.  heh.  Anywho... Comments9:39:25 PM

I'm feeling an urge to remove a post for the first time in ages.  What's the most important thing of words?  Honesty, true.  Honesty, however, is so incredibly hard to define when it comes to feelings.  It can change with one additional thought interjected.  Not that it happens super frequently, but often enough to have a hard time accepting honesty as a truth.  I think motive is equally as important, but even harder to determine.  Yesterday a friend was giving me advice and I was disagreeing with it....because it didn't feel "honest" to me and it seemed manipulative...and I didn't want to be dishonest or manipulative...but I did want to get my cake and to eat it too. He argued that any time you spend time rewording or thinking about things you're being manipulative.  Ew!  Really?!  Maybe.  I hate the pessimistic thought of attempting to control others.  It seems like maybe it IS a thin line though between conveying who you are, who you want to be or who you want someone to think you are.  For me, I feel like who I am does really vary a bit based on who I'm with, the environment and so forth.  I want truth to be easy.  I want communication to hold some meaning that's not me trying to control someone or someone trying to control me.  I want to not do things based on selfish motives.  Darn it. Comments8:11:19 PM

The gym welcomed me back warmly.  I went to a "Spinning" class for 45 mins. and then 15 mins. of abs.  It was nice.  Spinning was a good choice...good motivation to work hard.   We did a lot of good climbs and some fun sprinting.  My favorite song was probably...doing 30 seconds of sprinting (low intensity), 30 seconds standing (high intensity), over and over again.  I did make it to the store too. Yay!  Though while I was there I realized I probably won't be home for dinner again this week.  Breakfast and lunch still need covered though. I do need to clean out my car sometime before I leave for Herndon at 6:15 in the morning. And I'm going to get my room organized tonight.  And that little dining room area that has my boxes. Today I paid all the subscriptions/memberships I've been neglecting for the past 2-6 months. I'm now again a current member of the Sierra Club, ACLU, Jaycees and PMI and my magazine addiction is in tact (Self, Budget Travel, Shape...plus I get PMI and Fast Company for free).  I feel so responsible.  And my body feels happy too.  Well, except, *#)(#@ is #(@) and I wanted to #*((O@. ; What?!   Okay, really, I'll work on the apartment so it doesn't look so single-girlish.   Comments7:36:24 PM

All this thinking about me got me in the mood for a quiz or three.  Emode has one "what kind of girlfriend are you" and the results are: Laidback Lover Carefree and easy-going — that's your approach to love and life. Above all, you respect your boyfriend's beliefs, choices, and ideals, making you a trustworthy and supportive force in his decisions. Caring and thoughtful when it comes to your actions, you expect the same in return. Even if you spend every waking moment together, you want to feel like you have freedom and room to breathe. For you, it's important that you maintain your individuality so that you can continue to bring something unique to the relationship. After all, you gotta be you. Comments3:18:33 PM

To further explain, finding someone perfect may just be a personality trait thing.  K:  "I think it is unrealistic to think that you can get exactly everything you want in one person.  Have you ever met an absolutely perfect person to fulfill a relationship - friendship or relationship?" Of course!  I have multiple friendships that I consider perfect.  Perfect to me means I wouldn't change the imperfections because they contribute to the whole.  The thing is...I'm slow to fully give into this.  Once I give in, however, I'm about as loyal as one person can possibly be...and part of that loyalty is appreciating the whole person as they are. I don't expect a person to actually be perfect...but I think expecting a certain set of traits is fair. I don't blindly love - but once I love, I do get a bit blind.  Good or bad, it's my truth. At the same time, I don't think there's one magic person who is going to complete my world.  I think there's lots of people that could complement me well.  I have nice visions of a foreverness. And I have expectations of a few traits that person would have to possess to be able to make that a possibility.  There's part of me that aren't going to change that they'd have to be able to tolerate or (hopefully) enjoy.  Hhmm...here's some of my traits that I think some people wouldn't like, but I'm not planning to change: -I wake up in a REALLY chipper mood.  -I cry at cheesy movies.  And sometimes tv shows.  -Most of the time I like to talk about EVERYTHING, but sometimes I need to be really quiet and I might not want to explain why until I'm done.  -My family and friends are SUPER important to me and it's going to make me mad if you say anything bad about them. -I require feedback. -I don't like to argue, so I'm going to give in unless it's really important to me. -I sing really loud and off-key.  And I do it often. -I'm going to make mean jokes about you and call you a sissy if they hurt your feelings (heh.) -Sometimes I become a little girl and use a dumb voice and pout. (okay, i might try to change that one). Do I balance this with my good traits?  nah. What do I think I need in a forever person. Laughter Adventure Community Cuddly Passionate about lots of things in life Communication Communication Communication More laughter Challenge my mind Acceptance Attention Artsy in some way Occasional romantic/sweet sentiments I don't think that's asking all that much.  Geez, K!   Comments12:43:48 PM

K just said "You can't have everything in the same package."  I think she's wrong. So there! I think...no one / nothing is "perfect"...but that doesn't mean that they're not perfect for me.  Or that I can say "i want a, b and c...but who cares if they don't have x, yand z."  So there!  Comments11:23:19 AM

So, this is the art I'm trying to decide if I should buy.  I do love it. Comments8:18:12 AM

Okay, time to focus on putting exercise and diet back as a primary focus in my life.  I took a month off.  I probably only put back on 2-3 pounds, but I'm ready to actually advance in my endurance and move down on the scales. So, yogurt for breakfast.  I have lunch planned at home.  Then the gym after work.  Then the grocery store.  I will do it.  I will not give into laziness or socialness. Comments7:27:40 AM

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