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"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

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	Tuesday, December 30, 2003

SADDAM'S CONFESSION Saddam has intelligence. Not in the sense of being smart enough not to thumb his nose at the US, but rather he knows where certain things are. The Alliance is asking for methods of information extraction, so I will oblige. There's always the classics, such as drugs, sleep deprivation, starvation, sensory overload and the like, but he may prove resistant to such persuasion. There are sterner options available: Play "this little piggy" with a hammer. It may not have worked in "Payback", but then again, Saddam is no Mel Gibson. Sea urchin enema Strap a thermometer to his willy & have him check the temp on the McDonalds fry oil Oops! Looks like Saddam got his tie caught in the industrial paper shredder. Sure hope nobody accidentally disabled the "reverse" button. Ipecac coladas Steak-umm underwear and a hungry Rottweiler Scorpion bath Or maybe we should just get him a new job: No-hands barnyard masturbator Cameraman for the new movie, "Lesbo Love Fest", starring Janet Reno and Helen Thomas San Francisco bathhouse glory-hole sanitizer. Don't forget the buttless red leather chaps uniform for this one. Maybe checking Sigfried & Roy's tigers for colon polyps? Septic tank inspector. Remember to pump the tank before sending him in. Or not. Crash test dummy I hear the Mayo Clinic has an opening for a colostomy-bag-emptier Or maybe we can just send him on vacation: To a furvert convention in a panda constume To South Central LA. After midnight. With a pocket full of $100's. Wearing a "F*** Jesse Jackson" T-shirt On second thought, screw it. Brass knuckles & razor blades. Either he spills his guts, or we do. SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! posted by Harvey at 6:45:30 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME

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