It's officially January

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Love Balloonists

This morning I read Cary Tennis’s column at Salon.com (by paid subscription) wherein some poor guy writes in that he has a wonderful woman in his life but he can’t seem to love her. He asks, “Can love be willed?” (sounds like a perfect Carrie Bradshaw line from Sex and the City, doesn’t it?) and he pleads with Cary, “please give me specific step-by-step instructions; how can I make myself love this woman before I lose her forever?”

Cary replies with steps 1-5 for taking a flying leap (e.g., “Step 2: Bend your arms so your elbows form a 90-degree joint.”). But his point is that of course he doesn’t have the step-by-step answer; no one does. On the other hand, he says:

…If ordinary people were to commonly take flight quite by accident and unawares -- if on a given day on a busy New York street you would see people at random lift off the sidewalks, briefcases, purses, baby carriages and all, and swoop toward the skyline in startled ecstasies of passion fulfilled, the novelty of the phenomenon might wear off. And there would always be those few unlucky ones, rooted to the ground, clamoring for a formula by which they too might magically and without warning take to the air. They would interview the fliers for tips, unwilling to believe that they simply did not know how it happened.

 

…that is the place love occupies. It is not a mineral to be mined or a physical process to be flowcharted and then refined for yearly productivity increases. It is a sudden unexpected taking to the air, as miraculous and as unfathomable.

On the wall above my desk, just over my computer screen, I have an art postcard of a painting by Arthur Hardigg called “Love Balloonists.” I must have picked it up in a gallery or an open studio event. I liked something about it, the upward swirl of energy. Although now that I look at it, one of the two people seems about to jump. Or maybe he or she is being helped by the other to stay aloft? I can’t tell. It appears dynamic and unpredictable and you don’t quite know what is happening. Like falling in love.

So can love be willed? Or do we have to wait, rooted to the ground while it seems that those around us lift off? Maybe it’s different for different people, depending on the expectations of one’s upbringing, how many romantic novels we’ve read or movies we’ve watched. Maybe it’s easier for the young, who seem to fall in and out of love easily, not weighted down by material and emotional baggage. Some of us “spook” easier than others, especially early in a relationship before we’ve bonded and we’re not sure how we feel yet. One person is holding the ropes saying “come on” but we bite our lip, unsure. Maybe we don’t trust the balloons to hold us aloft, or the wind to carry us safely. Sometimes it’s just timing; we’re not ready. And sometimes it’s just not the right person. But we never know for sure until we find ourselves off the ground.

(Love Balloonists, 2001, oil on canvas, 26”x21”; photo by Cliff Pfeiffer)

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