Given some recent events, I must address the chaos that is
my family. Apologies for this long and rather morose post, but I just
need to get these thoughts out. I promise a return to the more
entertaining and inane posts I usually churn out.
For some years now, my mother has not been very well-off financially. She
collects disability checks from the government. Additionally, since 1992,
she has been the caregiver for my nephew, the first son of my drug-addled
sister (more on that later). She has moved from place to place--occasionally
spending time in a woman's shelter. I wish there was more that I could
do, but some of the things I have done through the years has occasionally
placed me in somewhat tenuous financial straits from time to time.
Consequently, I help when I can on small things.
After what happened two weeks ago upon my return from Ft. Lauderdale,
I think I can say that my mother has officially hit the bottom. I had to
post bail for my mother to be released from a detention center due to a second
(!) arrest for shoplifting. Since my mother did not have money for some
groceries, she decided to steal them instead. Even though her intentions
were somewhat good, it is no excuse for what she did. Keep in mind, she
did this with a child at home for whom she is still completing the custody
rigamarole for the city.
I was angry that I was hearing about this at the incredibly late stage that I
did. Why not call and tell me you need some groceries? I know part
of that is pride, but I can occasionally help. I just cannot be the one
that does it all.
Last night, I had a conversation with my mother, as I was getting the money
from her to repay me for the bail bond I posted. Essentially, Social
Services said that they feel my nephew is in an unsafe environment. As a
result, they are looking to place him with a "resource." (A
brief aside, but I must admit that the lexicon used by the workers in this
department is incredibly vague. And I thought that we technology workers
were bad.) I spoke to a woman, and I told her I really could not be a “resource.”
I do not have the room for my nephew nor am I ready for the commitments of
caring for a teenage child.
I must admit, that over the last several years, the mother I have seen is
drastically different from the one that raised my sister and I. My mom
married young, had two children, and then separated and divorced shortly
thereafter. She did a phenomenal job raising my sister and me early
on. Money was tight--even receiving welfare for a short time.
Nonetheless, this was a strong person. The woman who is my mother now is
a shell of her former self. I realize that living in an environment such
as what she has dealt with can certainly beat one down, so to speak.
Nonetheless, I have to ask where the resilience is. I also have to admit
that I wish there was more I could do, but I am forever reminded of the advice
that a close friend of my mother gave me when I was in graduate school: You
have to live your own life. It is a somewhat Hobbesian view and
necessary, but that does not make it any easier.
I also had a long talk with my nephew, telling him that I would be unable to be
a temporary caregiver. I am amazed that he took this all well, but I can
tell that the situation at home is affecting him. I told him some of the
advice I used late in my high school years. Essentially, focus on what
you need to do to make yourself into what you want to be. Work hard and
control the things you can control, but do not fret and worry about those
things you cannot control. I have to admit that I am amazed at how much
wisdom a twelve-year-old boy can have. I am also impressed that although
he has my sister's genetics, he recognizes her mistakes and self-centered
nature. Through all of this, I have a pretty good feeling that my nephew
will be okay. He is a smart boy--must be my genes. ;-) I love him,
and I know he will be okay in the end.
As for my sister, on the other hand, I want nothing to do with her. My
relation to her is merely that brought on unwillingly--via genetics. I
have no respect for someone who has constantly used lies and half-truths to
manipulate the people who love her. My sister was--and still is--a heroine
addict. She spent time in jail for possession with the intent to
distribute, and she has had four (4!) children by four (4!!) different fathers
(three of whom have spent some amount of time incarcerated). She
continues to use people to achieve her ends. She has taken advantage of
my effectively poor mother--using my mother's phone to make phone calls to her
most recently incarcerated boyfriend, with the promise of repayment. She
lied about repaying her, and I am furious that this waste of genetic material would take advantage
of someone in the dire straits my mother is in--abusing the love she has for
her. For that and many other things, she is dead to me.
I know my sister will probably never read this, but all of the Internets can
know that I want nothing--absolutely nothing--to do with her. I have
no sister. She is a phenomenal waste of genetic material, and she is
continuing proof of the hell that drug addiction causes someone. Pardon my French, but fuck my sister.
As things stand, my nephew will probably be placed with another
caregiver. My mom is facing eviction from her current residence, and she
has two upcoming court dates this month. I do not know what the outcome
of either of those will be. She knows that because of the bad choices she
recently made, it has had large ramifications on the present situation.
The one thing I hope is that she realizes the fallacy of not telling people news
until it is much too late.
It is times like this that has me pining for a much more Cleaver-like
family. I, of course, know that cannot be. Nonetheless, I do know
that I will do my best to make sure that whenever (and if) I have a family of
my own; it will not be beset by the problems I have seen in my relatively short
time on this Earth.
9:17:40 AM 
|
|
