A Rejected Draft Of The State Of The Union Address
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you very much. Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens: Since I assumed office just two years ago, the stock market has crashed, unemployment has doubled, violent crime is on the increase; we've progressed from budget surpluses to budget deficits, our National Security is non-existent, and we had a major intelligence failure on our watch as 3,000 Americans were murdered on American soil, masterminded by a man still wanted dead or alive. Health care costs have escalated geometrically while deflation reigns everywhere else, corporate mealfeance has been outed - but the perpetrators, some of my most reliable campaign contributors, have walked. Wait a minute, Karl, do you you really want me to read this? It's a joke, right? That Karl, what a gas! Say, what does gas cost these days? Do the oil companies need a tax break or is it enough that we just bomb the shit out of Iraq? Haw-haw-haw - Karl, you break me up! Where's the real speech? [Playing with my food, and other things...]
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