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"What kind of peace do I mean? What kind of peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war. Not the peace of the grave or the security of the slave. I am talking about genuine peace, the kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living, the kind that enables men and nations to grow and to hope and to build a better life for their children - not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women - not merely peace in our time but peace for all time." -- JFK 		 
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licentious radio
Saturday, May 11, 2002
[10:48:00 PM]     
Washington, DC -- President Bush awarded Army Secretary Thomas White the Congressional Medal of Honor -- the country's highest award for valor.

"My friend Tom-o personally fought the good fight, the victorious fight to steal upwards of $20 billion from the "blue" voters in California. His boys even had good, creative names for their scams, er, operations. Good, true, American names like 'Death Star', and 'Bend-over-Davis'," said Bush.

Bush continued: "We all know, sadly, that not all of that money was donated to the only good American party, the Republicans. But since most of the rest was laundered through off-shore shell corporations, we know who has it, and we know they'll share with us in our times of need. Nobody like solitary confinement...."

"And so, Tom-o," concluded the president, "to acknowledge our very personal debt to you, here is the nation's highest honor, the Congressional Medal of Honor."

A reporter asked at the press conference if it isn't usual for Congress to decide who receives the Congressional Medal of Honor. The President laughed as he responded: "That's such an old-fashioned idea. In these days of crisis and the war on terrorism, there's no time to involve Congress -- especially the obstructionist, terrorist-supporting Democrats. I can give huge tax breaks to corporations without them, and damn it, if I want to pin a medal on a true American hero, I'm not going to wait around for Osama bin Daschle."

Despite the president's chuckles, the reporter was removed from the room and no one has seen her since. Her status is officially listed as "missing".

[10:23:29 PM]     
Cupterino, CA.... Darth Fiorina -- having subjugated HP and taken over Compaq, much as Hitler's Germany took control of Austria -- commented on rumors of layoffs at IBM: "Once again, IBM is caught playing catch-up, and taking only half-measures. We announced massive layoffs long before IBM, and we're putting thousands more people out of work than they are." Darth also pointed out that her bonus for the firings will be five times what IBM executives will receive.

When Darth's message reached Wall Street Tuesday morning, the value of her stock options jumped $500,000.



© Copyright 2002 john robert boynton.
Last update: 9/27/02; 11:04:05 PM.