licentious radio

Monday, May 27, 2002
[5:34:36 PM]

Washington DC -- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced today a $2 billion contract with the Carlyle Group not to produce Crusader II.

"Nobody batted an eyebrow that my buds over there will walk away with half a billion in pure profit from the cancelled Crusader project," said Rummy. "I just couldn't resist raising the stakes. You know, there's no telling how much longer I'll be in this job, and I want something bigtime lucrative waiting for me when I get out."

"And don't forget Poppy. Anything for Poppy. I'm told his cut of this new contract for no work will be $400 million. Poppy'll need that when Little George goes off the public payroll."

When a reporter asked if it was wise to say all of that in public, Rummy said: "You haven't been paying attention the last two years, have you, creep." The reporter is now in solitary confinement for this clear violation of the Patriot Act.

Political Correctness Compliancy Statement: This is fiction. Any similarity to real persons is purely coincidental.