The links below point to a copy of the journal entries I made during my breast cancer treatments in 2001, and for most of the following year, 2002. Reading back on these entries, I realized that they were fairly sparse during my treatments; however, the entries that were made were very significant, and serve as a poignant reminder to me that cancer treatments are much much worse than we remember, our merciful brains doing such a wonderful job at making us forget the most traumatic things in life.
This documents what worked for me and what didn't work for me as far as things the I needed the most to help me get through cancer treatments. It also documents how my spiritual search led me to buddhism and its beautiful and pragmatic view of living and dying.
Many of the 2002 entries are mundane, but I chose to keep every entry intact. Every day I find myself merging farther and farther into the land of "normal" people. I know I'll never be the same person that I was before my cancer diagnosis though, and I'll never ever forget the lessons that cancer taught me and continues to teach me daily.
Some day the cancer will be back, and I'll write about those experiences as well as long as I can. I'm hoping this diary will be my legacy, and that people will read it and go away thinking "Cancer sucks, but there are worse things than that. From this day forward I'll be the best person that I can be. I'll remember to stop and smell the flowers every day, and I'll make the life that I have left on earth as meaningful as I can."
There is absolutely nothing that I write here where I ever intentionally mean to hurt or offend. In some ways it's the job of the writer to bring the 2-dimensional nature of words into a world where we communicate in 3 dimensions. I'm not always successful at that.
On the other hand, I want to be as honest and straightforward as I can be about how I feel about my life and the things and people who touch me. I want people to know the good and the bad about life with cancer, and I want people to have as candid a view of who I am as I can possibly express, given the constraints of this medium and venue.
June-Aug 2001 Aug-Oct 2001
Nov 2001
Dec 2001
Jan 2002
Jan-Apr 2002
Apr-Jun 2002
Jun-Sep 2002
5:36:23 PM 
|
