I went to a surgeon today about an infection on my butt. That's a sign that you're getting old -- when you have to go to doctors for your butt. Geez. Anyway, getting a scope crammed up my butt was the highlight of my day (not!). She said I should go to the drug store and buy a gadget that sits on the toilet, and you put warm water in it and sit in it with some epsom salts. It's called a sitz bath.
CVS didn't have this gadget, but sent me down the street to another drug store. I tried walking around the store looking for it, so I wouldn't have to ask for it. It was a medical supply store. There were so many things there -- crutches, wheelchairs, self-catheterization kits..... how on earth do you self-catheterize yourself??? Eeps! Anyhew, the druggist finally asked me if he could help me, so I said, "Yes. I'm looking for... a thing... that sits on the toilet, for sitz baths."
"Oh yeh!" he said. "CVS just called me to tell me you were coming. It's over here." He took me to the other side of the store, and got down a box and gave it to me.
It was a plastic bowl with holes in it, and a plastic bag with a tube coming out the bag. I stared at it. I mean, how complicated can sitting your butt in a warm epsom soak be!
"It's pretty easy to use. The directions are on the plastic bag." he said when he saw me staring at it.
"ok," I said. I tried to be nonchalant. I wondered where the hell the tube was going to go.
As I was standing at the counter waiting for him to ring up my purchase, I thought about what I could say to him. "You know you're getting old when you have to buy one of these," I was going to joke. Should I say it? Should I not? Should I act like it's not for me? Luckily I made it through the purchase without saying anything.
As I was driving home with my sitz bath gadget, I realized I was excited about the prospect of filling bags and pans and doing things with tubes, and most of all, I was excited about soaking my butt. Ah, how simple are life's pleasures when you're old.
9:24:58 PM 
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