I had a full weekend. I'm running around getting craft items in preparation for my holiday party. I'm having my second reconstruction surgery on Tuesday, so I wanted things to keep me occupied for the time that I had off. As though lying in bed reading my book wasn't enough!
I asked my plastic surgeon to give me the tissue expanders and my chemo port so I can bring them home. She looked at me like I was crazy. She doesn't understand. Maybe you don't either. Or maybe you do.
Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to Tuesday's surgery. They're going to put a drain in me, which I'm not happy about, but other than that, it'll be really nice to get these tissue expanders out. They have been like rocks I've had to carry around for the last 2 years. And I've gotten over the discomfort from my chemo port, but still, I think it'll be a really novel experience to reach over and touch my right chest and not have it sitting there.
I left explicit directions to my surgeon to sew me up and leave the port in if she finds any tumors. It's always in your mind when you've had a cancer diagnosis. It never goes away.
Last week at hospice training our volunteer coordinator/teacher told us if we didn't get our butts in gear and get our Living Wills done, she was going to have to re-think whether we were ready to do hospice work. She wants to make sure we've all thought about our deaths in detail, and the things that we want. I think it's not only because it means we've come to peace with the concept of dying, but also I think she thinks it's important because it puts us through what each of our patients has had to or will have to think through in their lives. I'd been working on mine for a while. I already have a rudimentary one, but this one is about 4 or 5 pages. It's a hard thing to do -- to try to figure out exactly what you'll want/need at the time of dying -- and pre-mandate it. Once this is signed and filed, it becomes a legal document. So if you say "no pain meds", then if you so happen to be in agonizing pain, they won't give you pain meds. What if you're comatose and in agonizing pain? All these questions make it really hard.
8:37:55 PM 
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