Wednesday, November 20, 2002

I've been struggling to take off the 3 pounds that I've gained on top of the 25 that I gained through my cancer treatments last year. I quit swimming to favor jogging and the elliptical trainer, which is in our basement. It's just been driving me nuts, watching myself gaining and gaining for the past two years. Last year I forgave myself, but this year it just makes me feel really badly -- physically I feel sluggish and awkward, and mentally I feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over me. Finally, finally finally, this morning I got on the scale, and I was back down to the weight I was at the end of my treatments. Surprisingly, I haven't been doing any serious dieting. I've been trying. Most of my meals are pretty healthy (the Zone diet. It's totally cool if you can keep it up), but not all of them. I'm still trying to re-train myself to be low-key about my eating. When I lost my taste buds last year with the taxotere, it really made me so crave the taste of food. I've not quite gotten over the thrill of eating and really enjoying it. I'm very happy that I lost those 3 pounds. Seeing myself make progress will inspire me to keep trying. 2:37:48 PM    comment []

I spent the morning cleaning out my e-mail boxes. I have an e-mail from John with the title "Happy Second-to-the-last Day Of Treatment", and then another one on January 2nd 2001 with the title "Happy Last Day Of Treatment!" I discovered I didn't have the heart to delete John's e-mails or my LiveJournal comment e-mails. It's funny, my year of cancer treatments was not great. On the other hand, I managed to develop such fond memories of my online LiveJournal support group -- people who were and still are amazing, fantastic, and totally wonderful. 2:22:36 PM    comment []