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Sunday, June 20, 2004

Better You Than Me

Just like lots of others, I often find things to complain about, even though I have a pretty decent life going.  Life could be much, much worse, and really, I should be more thankful for that.  You may feel the same way.

And you know, it doesn't take too much searching to find plenty of others who aren't exactly racking up a high score in the game of life.  Sometimes their misery is thrust upon them.  Other times they seem to actively seek misery.  So let me introduce you to some of these upstanding citizens so that you also can feel just a tad better about your position in life.

For instance be glad you're not one of the folks posted to the Saint Paul, Minnesota prostitution arrest page.  Aren't they a cheerful bunch?  You have here quite a crop of ho's and ho connoisseurs.  Actually, "connoisseurs" might be the wrong term.  These fellows don't seem too picky.

Oh, and a question for the Saint Paul Police webmaster:  not only are you publically humiliating these unfortunates, but do you have to save their photos to such a small file size that it looks as though some of their faces are melting off?   And is it really necessary for us to know just how crappy a vehicle they drive? 

Actually, yeah, it is.

Moving right along, let's all hail Sohail.  If you're ever in San Francisco and are in need of 8", he's the guy.  Honestly, though, is that really his head on that body?  A couple of the pics look photoshopped to me.  Then again, I'm disgusted at myself for looking that closely.  Excuse me while I go rub Clorox into my eyes.

Or maybe I could just rub some paint in there.  Bet I could borrow some off Mike and Glenda.  They seem to have plenty to spare.  Or maybe not.  On further review, it turns out that Mike and Glenda have spent the past twenty-seven years applying paint to a baseball in an effort to have the world's largest ball of paint.  Twenty-seven years.  That's over a quarter century in normal people years.  That's also over half a ton of paint.  On a baseball.  Which they expect people to drive out of their way to see.

On second thought, I was better off with the Clorox.

Then you have this guy.  Happy Father's Day to you, too.

By the way, don't you hate the people who put flyers on your car windshield when you're inside the mall wasting your pathetic life away?  Me, too.  But then I especially hate it when the flyer is from a drug dealer who doesn't have the firmest hold on either the English language or a three digit IQ number.  Hate those guys.

Also hate dumb headline writers.  For instance "Surprise Meteor Shower Possible In June."  Really?  If we know it's in June, it's not really a surprise, is it?

And finally, I'm glad I'm not Jorge Hank Rhon today.  He's taking a lot of heat in Mexico for saying that women are his favorite animal.  Not the smoothest thing to utter, even in a society that treats women like crap.  But I will say this for Jorge:  I wish my middle name were "Hank."  Especially if I were Mexican.  So while you may lose the election, Hank, you'll still have a cool name.  Just dump the "Jorge" and the "Rhon."


2:55:06 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.



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