you know its not that I can't write about how I'm feeling, its just now I'm second guessing myself on all my posts, I put something up and then think to myself, is someone going to feel bad or feel like I'm blaming them or is anyone going to take what I write and feel like its about them or against them? And then I delete the post or strike it out and its not like I know if anyone is feeling that way because those people never comment, they keep it all bottled up inside until it overwhelms them and they get mad at me instead of just telling me that post pissed them off or hurt their feelings or whatever.
Its like when I was writing stuff about the guy I liked - he assumed all the things were about him and at that point I was writing about several different people and I never used specific names but he got all upset and blew up at me one day and you know if he had said something or commented or even emailed me or he could have called - he's got millions of ways to contact me but no he kept it bottled up inside until he blew - you know its not healthy to keep it all inside which is why I blog in the first place - sometimes to vent, sometimes funny stuff, sometimes for help, sometimes just because I like to write and I shouldn't be second guessing my thoughts because its not healthy to keep it all inside - or at least not for me. (although side note here - now why did he think it was all about him anyways?)
So I guess my point is - deep breath - I vent, I write, I get it out of my head and if you don't like something that I've written here or you feel like I'm blaming you for my life - I'm not - I don't blame anyone for my actions, my perceptions, my thoughts, my feelings - I'm just venting but write me a comment, email me, something tell me how you're feeling, complete strangers tell me how they feel. And I won't use specific names here when I vent or otherwise write about anyone unless of course its Zy because that's seems to be how we communicate these days - if we didn't have our blogs, we'd never know what was going on each others busy lives :)
and now I will let this subject go because I'm tired of second guessing myself on every single thought.
and seriously you know its time for bed when the desk starts swaying..good nite
3:35:30 AM 
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