Monster House
The reveal: Mitch and I have recently joined the ranks of Comcast's basic cable subscribers. Because we're both self employed, we have telecommunications bills that would make your eyes water--two land lines (one with all the trimmings-- voice mail, call waiting, caller id, three-way calling, etc.--mine), a cell phone (mine again) and high-speed internet. Adding cable television to the mix seemed frivolous until Comcast said we could have it for $3/month. Now we're like the rest of America.
And there's still nothing on TV.
Except "Queer Eye." But won't Carson's swanning wear thin eventually?
And "Monster House."
"Monster House" is a Discovery Channel concept show where homeowners pick a theme and a team of contractors and designers go about transforming the house into their idealized vision of that theme. The first time we watched the show, we sat transfixed as the builders lowered a giant fiberglass football helmet onto the back part of the house.
Jealous?
Inside, the new rumpus room features "skybox" seating complete with built in microwaves, refrigerators and viewing monitors, plasma TV's and sports memorabilia galore. How that poor woman walked into her home without spewing bitter invective, I'll never know. I would have thrown an embolism right on the spot.
But what if they built a knitting themed house?
After days of living in a trailor, you open the door and are greeted by a 15', remote-powered animatron of Elizabeth Zimmerman wearing a Fair Isle cardi. Press the remote and she begins to knit furiously. Press it again, she purls. Press it a third time, she checks gauge.
You enter your new fiber studio. Two spinning wheels stand at the ready. Colorful yarns spill from your new built in shelves. A full coffee/liquor bar serves frothy cappuccinos and kir royals. An entertainment center hides a flat-panel TV, state-of-the-art stereo and a full library of books on tape.
You walk into your stainless steel blocking/dyeing room equipped with two sinks, stove top, microwave and giant built-in blocking boards. Outside a herd of cashmere goats graze placidly.
Your husband bursts into tears.
8:18:33 AM 
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