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Why those tails are red
Why Northwest Airline Planes Have Red Tails. Thanks Bob!
This humor will be funniest to Minnesotans but others will enjoy it too. This was written by a guy named Bill Farmer (used to be on WCCO and now writes/edits the airport newsletter) welcoming all the Atlanta Northwest Airline employees to Minnesota.)
This is for the hundreds of Atlanta, Georgia, mechanics and others who will move to the Twin Cities as NWA closes its maintenance base there.
This is your lucky day! First, the West Nile fever season here is really, really short. Ditto, malaria and any other dread disease carried by mosquitoes.
The bad news is that you'll have to grow accustomed to hash brown potatoes. Grits end at Chillicothe, Missouri.
You no longer have to say, "y'all," the most worthless expression in the English language. When you call your dog, for instance, just say, "come." You don't have to say, "y'all come."
As mechanics, you'll have a field day taking care of your car from now until spring (late spring, that is, for early spring is not spring, it is really late winter). Remember that old Minnesota weather adage, "April showers bring May plowers."
Sell your car. A Georgia car will not survive here. Your car will freeze to death before Halloween. Buy a used car. If you buy a new car it will look like a used car before they can dig it out of the display lot at the car dealership.
At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not pretty. By December you will feel as if you are living in a black-and-white movie. And there is a lot of snow. Deep snow. Deep snow that doesn't go away. The reason Northwest Airlines paints its tails red is so they can find the damned things.
You will find new loves here. One of them will be underwear that goes all the way down to your ankles. Any underwear above the ankle is considered lingerie.
A few things you may not know:
Beer freezes.
A constipated dog is a good dog.
Ice fishing is a form of mental illness.
Sunrise and sunset are roughly an hour apart.
Jumper cables make an excellent wedding gift.
You will look forward to slush.
Kleenex is covered by your medical insurance.
You must also be aware that, contrary to southern cuisine, there is no Minnesota cuisine. If it's dead, eat it.
When you pack to come to Minnesota, you need only to bring one short-sleeved shirt (and that's only in case you want to fly back home for vacation). Short-sleeved shirts are handed down here from generation to generation. The short-sleeved shirt season begins July 26 and is pretty much wrapped up by 3:30 on 28th.
You will have to change your allegiances to professional sports teams. Doing the tomahawk chop simply will not play here. People will think you're merely scraping your windshield.
We play a game here called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap Your children before they even start school, so beware. They'll return them in April.
As for baseball, we never know if we have a team or not.
Moving on to religion. There are but two faiths here (pro-stadium and anti-stadium). An agnostic is a person who doesn't care whether we have a new stadium or not.
We have an excellent college system. Unfortunately, it's in Wisconsin, Iowa, or the Dakotas.
Canadian honkers aren't something you see at a Winnipeg strip joint. They're geese.
By law, every vehicle in Minnesota must have a hitch ball. Even hearses.
You cannot smoke anywhere in Minnesota. Unless it's dope, of course.
Minnesotans may laugh at you for your backward politics in Georgia. You can stop that with two words: Pro wrestler.
Judy Garland was born in Minnesota and it took her 16 years of driving through construction detours before she got to the Yellow Brick Road.
Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of thousands of miles of rivers and streams, millions of acres of forest, and one Krispy Kreme. Guess where everybody wants to go.
And do not call the homicide division on a beer joint because of what you see behind the bar. That's merely a jar of pickled pig's feet. (SeeCuisine comments above).
10:11:59 PM 
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