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Friday, September 10, 2004 |
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The Zelling of the President 2004 Campaigning today in Pennsylvania, Kerry chided Bush for not encouraging Republican congressional leaders to extend the assault weapons ban. NPR's "All Things Considered" played the following Kerry soundbite:
Heavens to Betsy? Why didn't he use stronger language, like "Gee Willikers!" or "Gosh Darn"? If he somehow manages to win the election, will he click his heels and sing "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah?" With language this timid, Kerry is just begging for further attacks on his machismo by the Bush campaign -- such as the following NPR soundbite of Zell Miller, traveling today with Bush in Ohio:
It's disappointing that Miller didn't carry this line of reasoning to its obvious conclusion by claiming that Bush remains perpetually erect, while implying that Kerry requires regular doses of Viagra to keep his gun locked and loaded, with the terrorists in the cross-hairs. Let's give Zell the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's saving all that for the next stop on the campaign trail. 10:51:26 PM 
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The Russian Revolution If you think the Williams sisters are still the queens of women's tennis, you haven't been paying attention. Five of the top ten-ranked women are now Russian. This year, Russian women won the French Open (Anastasia Myskina) and Wimbledon (Maria Sharapova). And now, for the first time, a Russian woman has reached the finals of the U.S. Open. In fact, two of them have. Svetlana Kuznetzova and Elena Dementieva will play each other for the championship tomorrow. It wasn't supposed to be that way. The received wisdom was that the Open championship match would be an all-American affair, Lindsay Davenport vs. Jennifer Capriati. But the Russians had other ideas. Dementieva, who beat Capriati today, wins despite having what must be the worst serve in the history of professional tennis. She makes a unique vocal sound when hitting her shots -- a combination of "Wop!" (an ethnic slur against Capriati), "Whoop!" (like Curly of the Three Stooges) and "Wonk!" (the cry of a wounded Clinton cabinet member). Davenport, defeated today by Kuznetsova, has klutzy footwork even when healthy, but today she was handicapped by an injured hip-flexor. In fact, she's been plagued by injuries for years. That's God's way of telling an athlete it's time to retire. The Russian women are big, strong and confident, and there are plenty more where they came from. Tennis commentators had better brush up on their Russian pronunciation. "It's an incredible ground war," said commentator Mary Carillo during the CBS broadcast of the thrilling third set of the Dementieva-Capriati match. Exactly. The Cold War never really ended, it just moved to the tennis courts. 3:40:53 PM
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Chronicles of Roddick Page C18 of yesterday's New York Times had a quarter-page ad with a full-length photo of Andy Roddick in characteristic pose -- yelling and pumping his fists.
Below that is the US Open 2004 logo, followed by a line that turned out to be prophetic:
You can say that again. Roddick, the defending champion and unanimous pick of the "USA! USA!" crowd to repeat, watched his hopes become a thing of the past when he was defeated last night in a tense 5-set quarterfinal match by his Swedish mirror image, the 6'6" Joachim Johansson. Roddick is accustomed to winning by overpowering his opponents. He likes to brag, "I really hit the crap out of the ball." In Johansson, he ran into somebody who craps even better. According to Greg Garber, writing for ESPN:
Why didn't he just take some Valium and arrange for a call girl to service him in his limo en route to his hotel? 11:30:49 AM
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Last update: 9/21/2004; 9:54:53 AM .
