Wednesday, September 15, 2004

And A Partridge In A Pear Tree Martha Stewart said today that she wants to begin her five-month Federal prison sentence as soon as possible, without waiting for the result of her appeal to reverse the guilty verdict reached by a jury earlier this year. According to the New York Times: "I am very sad knowing I will miss the holiday season," Ms. Stewart said, ticking off Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas as celebrations she will have to observe behind bars.  "and I will miss all of my pets -- my two dogs, my seven cats, my horses, my canaries, even my chickens." No doubt her menagerie will reciprocate, pining away in their kennels, stables, cages and coops. At least she won't have to worry about housing an entire Noah's Ark of creatures like William Randolph Heart did. According to CNN: "I know I have a very tough five months ahead of me," she said.  "But I understand that I will get through those months knowing that I have the ability to return to my normal and productive life." You'd need a chainsaw to cut through all that self-pity.  It's not as if she's going to be setting up housekeeping on Riker's Island with some tattooed butch rapper who bench-presses 300 pounds.  But give her credit; at least she didn't whine, "You won't have Martha Stewart to kick around anymore." 3:04:18 PM

No Child Left Behind An opinion poll of American children taken during the early days of the war in Iraq would probably have revealed that most of them wanted to grow up to be embedded reporters. But now that we're in the heat of a presidential election campaign, it's likely that most kids aspire to become swing voters in battleground states. 12:18:58 PM