Saturday, September 18, 2004

Jews for a Day By continuing to confine their campaigning to swing states for the last two days -- Bush in Minnesota, Kerry in Nevada and New Mexico -- the candidates have squandered the opportunity to do the obligatory Rosh Hashanah pandering for Jewish votes. Thus, we won't get to see whether either of them looks as foolish wearing a yarmulka as Gore did in 2000. The largest Jewish populations are in the blue states, especially New York and California, where Bush wouldn't win even if he put on a black hat, grew payess and a beard, and joined Chabad. Just as many of the ultra-orthodox consider secular Jews to be Gentiles, some of the more provincial blue state Jews think their swing state brethren have so assimilated into American heartland culture that they now resemble characters in a Grant Wood painting. The exception to this among swing states is Florida, a refuge for aging Jewish snowbirds from the northeast.  If Karl Rove had his druthers, he'd seal the deal for Bush in Florida by having all the Jews there put on a felons list and turned away from the polls on election day. Failing that, he can always bring back the infamous Palm Beach County buttefly ballot. 3:49:18 PM