Sunday, September 19, 2004

Liver and Let Die My Saturday Night Live consisted of copious quantities of guacamole, carne asada and beer, consumed in a neighbor's house while watching the pay-per-view broadcast of Bernard Hopkins knocking out Oscar de la Hoya with a vicious left hook to the liver. De la Hoya is lucky Hopkins didn't eat his liver, like Hannibal Lecter, "with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." Whenever a big fight like this happens, there are invariably calls for boxing to be abolished.  But why?  What happens in the ring is no more than what athletes in other sports would really like to do to each other if only they could. In baseball, the pitcher wants to bean the batter with the ball, while the batter would like to use the bat to decapitate the pitcher. In basketball, rather than slam-dunking the ball, players want to stuff the other team's leading scorer through the hoop. In football, the field goal kicker would like to boot the opposing quarterback through the uprights. In tennis, the players would prefer to bash each other over the head with their rackets.  Likewise for golfers with their clubs. Hockey is mostly about brawling to begin with, with the players equipped with sticks and sharp skate blades for offense, and gloves and pads for defense.  As the old saying goes, "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out."  Boxing dispenses with all the unnecessary equipment, strips away the pretense, and gets down to what real men like best -- beating the living shit out of each other. Sure it's violent and barbaric, but that's the nature of our species.  Haven't you watched any news broadcasts lately? 12:39:45 PM