Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Giuliani Time Despite the widespread praise for Rudy Giuliani's Republican Convention appearance, I fail to see what's so compelling about him as a speaker.  He lisps and has the same problem with his Ls as Tom Brokaw.  He's rapidly acquiring that same aging hedgehog look as David Letterman. He's too socially liberal to ever be accepted as a presidential nominee by the Taliban wing of the Republican party, but more likely the elective office he has in mind is the one currently occupied either by Hillary Clinton or by George Pataki. September 11th made Rudy a hero, but before that, he was a bully and a scumbag.  Sing along with the NYPD Blue: It's Giuliani time It's Giuliani time It's Giuliani time It's Giuliani time So let's all give a cheer 'Cause Giuliani's here It isn't Dinkins time It's Giuliani time I had long since ceased to be a New Yorker by the time Rudy moved into Gracie Mansion, but knowing his history, I wasn't a bit surprised when he began turning homelessness into a crime and arresting people for hitherto-ignored petty offenses like jaywalking.  "What else did you expect?" I asked my New York friends.  "You elect a prosecutor, he prosecutes you.  That's all he knows how to do." Gore Vidal likes to tell a story about the time he asked JFK what sort of president his brother Bobby would make.  At the time, RFK was Attorney General. JFK replied (Vidal perfectly imitates his Boston Brahmin voice): "Well, uh, you know, uh, Bobby's a policeman, he likes to arrest people." Thus, the perfect job for Rudy is neither Clinton's nor Pataki's --  it's John Ashcroft's.  In one fell swoop, Rudy, taking as his mantra Bush's statement, "You're either with us or with the terrorists," could designate all his critics as Enemy Combatants and lock them away forever in Guantanamo.  Of course, he'd need a massive construction project first to make the place large enough to accommodate them all. 4:42:55 PM