Monday, August 30, 2004

The Games Are Over, Let The Games Begin! After two weeks of tape-delayed prime-time Olympic broadcasts, American sports fans are being treated to not one, but two events they can watch in real time. Live from New York, it's the Republican Convention . . . and the U.S. Open! Unlike the Olympics, spectators can chant "USA! USA!" at both events without fear of being called jingoistic. In fact, the U.S. Open is being telecast by USA network. At the U.S. Open, the incumbents are Andy Roddick, the defending men's champion, who has just turned 22–and, on the women's side, Justine Henin-Hardenne, who just won the Olympic gold medal in tennis at Athens (NBC’s Olympic anchorman Bob Costas gave her a gender change, calling her "Justin"). At the Republican Convention, the incumbent is . . . uh . . . uh . . . oh yeah, that guy who always seems to be speaking English as a second language. Like the Olympics, the U.S. Open is a two-week event. Unlike the Olympics, the Republican Convention lasts just four days –although if it's anything like the lackluster, happy-face show the Democrats put on, it will seem like two weeks. USA network’s color commentator for the U.S. Open broadcasts is two-time French Open winner Jim Courier. Like John Kerry, Courier speaks fluent French. Unlike Kerry, he doesn't look French, and so should not adversely affect the network's ratings with Republican viewers. The TV color commentators for the Republican Convention broadcasts are, as it always says on Mad Magazine's masthead, the usual gang of idiots. There was nary a drop of precipitation during the two weeks of the Athens Olympics. New York, on the other hand, has had an unusually rainy summer. Even in relatively dry years, the U.S. Open is legendary for rain-outs, second only to Wimbledon– and in fact, already had a short rain delay before its opening matches on Monday morning. The Republican Convention is unlikely to be rained out at Madison Square Garden, unless the Democrats can arrange some indoor dirty tricks. Huge anti-Bush demonstrations have erupted in the streets of New York, and U.S. Open fans are notoriously raucous. But unlike the Olympic men's marathon in Athens, no spectator is likely to come out of the stands at either event and tackle a participant –although, as Fats Waller would say, "One never knows, do one?,": The intruder [at the men's marathon], identified by police as 57-year-old Cornelius Horan, had run onto the track of a British Formula One Grand Prix race last year wearing a kilt and beret similar to those he wore Sunday. He also had caused a disturbance on the grounds of Wimbledon last year and tried to disrupt cricket and rugby matches. But regardless of the outcome of either the Open or the convention, we can all sit back and enjoy an exciting two weeks of athletic competition. Let the games begin! 8:47:11 AM