Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Federerism During today's telecast of the US Open Series from Cincinnati, tennis commentator Mal Washington mixed up his figures of speech: "Roger Federer and Andy Roddick are playing head over heels better than anyone else on the tour." Federer, the world's top-ranked male player, is marvelously agile and fleet of foot, but I've never seen him do somersaults, backflips or cartwheels.  If he could execute those maneuvers while hitting a shot, he'd be qualified to tour with Le Cirque du Soleil. 6:09:40 PM

Politics Made Simple Commentators, journalists and bloggers too numerous to cite continue to describe the Democratic convention as an infomercial. But no staged event by either party could possibly be as annoying as the Fitness Made Simple TV spots, familiar to anyone who watches sports on ESPN. They're hosted by "fitness celebrity" John Basedow, who claims he's "bringing real results to real people." In campaign 2000, Bush called himself "A Reformer with Results."  For 2004, Bush should license Fitness Made Simple's tag line and run as "A Reformer Bringing Real Results to Real People."  It would strike the perfect note of banality and meaninglessness -- rivaling the Democrats' "A Stronger America" and "Hope is on the way." At one point in the commercial, Basedow states that Fitness Made Simple gives you "the power to change your body and the power to change your life."  Of course, what you really want after a tough workout is the power to change your underwear. Clearly, America needs a constitutional amendment for that.  It's the one issue that neither party will touch. 10:39:12 AM