Love Me
I've been watching some old video of the kids when they were tiny. The tapes range from when Alan was 4 and Iris 2, to when Jamie was about 18 months and the other two were 7 and 5. One of the things that struck me was just how much Iris has always desperately needed to feel loved and noticed. It wasn't a matter of her being a spoiled kid wanting attention; her soul genuinely needed to be constantly stroked and loved. Even as a wee one, I remember her needing so much more of me than Alan did. And she was always seeking reassurance. At aged 4, she asked her dentist if the other kids he saw were as pretty as she was. And she said to a family friend, "Everyone loves me, right?"
All of this was so apparent watching that video. If I was paying attention to one of the other kids, she would feel left out and rejected, and I would need to pull her in to whatever we were doing. There's a bit on one of the videos for instance, where I'm dancing with Alan. She came over to us, wanting to dance too, and I think I must have said something like, "Your turn is next." She got very upset until I went over, picked her up, and danced with her. It must have been so difficult for her when Jamie was born, especially since he was a high energy, high maintenance child who also needed so much of me. No wonder I was exhausted for years!
I'm so happy Iris found dance, because it's one place where she's recognized as being skilled and so is given lots of solos/lead roles, allowing all eyes to be on her. And she gets tonnes of positive feedback. Without dance, even with me giving her all the love I have, I don't think it would have been enough for her.
6:52:11 AM 
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