Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Food For Thought

Here's something to think about for all you bloggers out there from Ernie The Attorney:

Are you a young professional excited that your blog gives you the freedom to speak out to a large audience? Well consider what a smaller and more powerful audience (i.e. your employer) might think about what you say. And of course remember that while you blogging your innermost thoughts you are also creating the world's most accessible databank of "stuff that can be used against you later." By whom? By your opponent in an election; and --of course-- by the press who will gladly publish anything sensational that your opponent happens to pass on to them. Your weblog will save your opponents so much time when they start doing their "negative research" that they will be giddy with joy.

Hmm...

File under Blog Talk.

10:23:38 PM

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Nigerian Email Ennui

My "buddy" Johnson is starting to piss me off. He's now added another layer of bullshiat to his routine. I wish he'd cut to the chase already so I can lower the boom on his little scam. He's really starting to bore me. Here's his October 20th email along with my response:

MY DEAR GOOD FRIEND,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY AND WHAT IS THE LATEST NEWS FROM THE BANK,PLEASE LET ME HEAR FROM YOU.

JOHNSON.

My reply:

Dear Johnson

I haven't heard anything from the bank.

C. Bawls

Of course, I was just yanking his chain. I'd already gotten this from the bank:

     FROM:I Y Z DIMKA
     ASSISTANT GENERAL MANAGER,
     LEGAL DEPARTMENT,
     UNION BANK OF NIG.PLC

     20TH OCTOBER,2003

TO:MR.CLAUDE BAWLS
     3 ABBEY ROAD
     LONDON,UK 617

BANK INFORMATION:LINCOLN SAVINGS AND LOAN ASSOCIATION
ACCOUNT NUMBER:203019 73335223
INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT REGISTRATION NUMBER:
H2237546

Dear Sir,

RE:APPLICATION OF NEXT-OF-KIN(LATE BOB R.CHAPMAN)

This is to inform you that your application was
Received and Registered today 20th October,2003.
You are advised, to complete this form within 48hours of receipt.

1. Complete name of the diseased: [I think he means deceased]

2. Wife's complete name:

3. Age of diseased:

4. Place of work as at death:

5. Country of origin:

6. Earlier next of kin:

7. How many children:

8. How you intend to use the fund ($33.3MUSD):

9. Send to this Department a copy of your partner's Death Certificate

10. Send to this Department a copy of your partner's Deposite [French for deposit] Certificate

YOUR OWN DATA
1. Your complete name;
2. Profession:
3. Age:

FOR OFFICIAL USE

REMARKS:---------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------

DATE:---------------------------------------------------------------

We will be obliged if you can confirm the authenticity of your particulars
stated above.

Thanks.

Yours faithfully,
I Y Z Dimka
Assistant General Manager, Legal Department

Now, I really don't want to deal with Dimka, so I sent this to Johnson:

Dear Johnson,

I'm perplexed. I received this email from the bank today. I gave you all of the information and you advised that you would fill out the necessary forms? Is this still the case?

C. Bawls

Johnson's response, received today:

MY DEAR FRIEND,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I BELIEVE BY NOW YOU ARE ALRIGHT, I MEAN HEALTHWISE, ALRIGHT? GOOD.

THE MAIL FROM THE BANK IS A QUESTIONIER TO TEXT YOUR ACTUAL CLAIMS, IF ACTUALL YOU KNOW THIS MAN BOB AS YOU HAVE CLAIMED IN YOUR APPLICATION,MIND YOU THIS IS A BANK YOU ARE DEALING WITH AND EVERY INFORMATION YOU ARE GOING TO SUPPLY TO THEM MUST BE VERY VERY AUTHENTIC, [yeah, as authentic as his bullshiat email] THEREFORE THE INFORMATION THEY WANT FROM YOU IS ABOUT BOB AND NOT YOUR OWN SELF, HOWEVER,THESE ARE THE INFORMATION:

1. Complete name of the diseased:BOB ROBERT CHAPMAN

2. Wife's complete name:RUTH H. CHAPMAN

3. Age of diseased:52

4. Place of work as at death: AFRICAN AREA DIRECTOR FOR WYCLIFFE BIBLE
TRANSLATORS INTERNATIONAL, ABIDJAN, IVORY COAST, AFRICA

5. Country of origin: ONTARIO,CANADA

6. Earlier next of kin:RUTH H. CHAPMAN

7. How many children:3 (1 LIFE, 2 DEAD)

8. How you intend to use the fund ($33.3MUSD):
I WILL USE THE FUNDS TO TAKE CARE THE ONLY DAUGHTER, ERIN, SET UP A BOB CHAPMAN TRUST FUND, THEN ASSIST THE LESS PRIVILEGED IN THE SOCIETY [this guy doesn't even exist and I'm already starting to feel sorry for him and his family]

9. Send to this Department a copy of your cousin’s Death Certificate:
AT THE MOMENT, I AM UNABLE TO GET THE DEATH CERTIFICATE AS DURING HIS DEATH, I WAS NOT IN THE COUNTRY. I WAS NOT INFORMED ONLY UNTIL NOW. THEREFORE, I NEED YOUR HELP AND ASSISTANCE TO PROCURE IT FOR ME. YOUR ASSISTANCE IS OF GREAT HELP AND HIGHLY APPRECIATED

10.Send to this Department a copy of your cousin's Deposite Certificate:
ATTACHED HERE, A COPY OF HIS DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE, THAT WAS FOUND IN HIS PERSONAL EFFECTS.

ON THIS 10TH QUESTION TRY AND ATTACH THE DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE WHICH I SENT TO YOU,THEN FORWARD IT TO THE BANK. ALSO REMENBER TO COMPLETE YOUR DATA.

REMAIN BLESSED

JOHNSON

I've decided I'm going to make him wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll pull a surprise on him.

File under Nigerian Email Buddies.

10:17:42 PM

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