Sunday, March 02, 2003

For Your Eyes Only I've been on an eye kick lately.  For some reason, I love taking pictures of someone's eyes, manipulating them in Photoshop, and coming out the other end with something almost artistic.  Here's what I can do with your eyes, a digital camera, and a little free time: 4:49:10 PM     |

Further Evidence I'm Surrounded By Morons A recent Gallup poll found that the majority of Americans (68%) believe in the devil.  That's two out of three people.  Two out of freakin' three people will say "yes" if you ask them if there's some guy sitting in a place called hell tormenting sinful souls for all eternity.  "Yes" to some guy causing all the evil in the world.  Usually seen with horns and a pitchfork. I'm almost speechless. I wonder if they asked these geniuses for their opinions on the Easter bunny.  Or Bigfoot. Not surprisingly the higher the level of education of the people asked, the more likely they'd say, "Devil?  You're kidding, right?"  Summation:  two out of three people can't accept the fact there is no red guy responsible for all the problems in the world.  That responsibilty rests solely on our shoulders.  Us.  Human beings are the source of evil.  Stop trying to pass the blame onto a myth. 10:53:47 AM     |

D.I.Y. I'm a big believer that if you want things done right, pay someone good money who knows what they're doing.  If that fails, sometimes you have to do things yourself.  Unbelievably it's tough finding someone to help you build your own weeping Madonna.  Do you have any idea how much money can be made off one of those things?  Just in concessions alone??  Pilgrims get awfully thirsty. So in my undying effort to help you out in anyway possible, I've scoured the internet looking for instructions for those things you always wanted to make, but just never knew how.  Live in ignorance (or without your own light saber) no longer! Weeping Madonna:  Three easy steps and those peasants will be knocking down your door. Castle:  You start small and then work your way up.  Serfs not included. Castle II:  For the extremely bored monarch. Comet:  Because those suckers don't come around often enough for me. Light Saber:  A few of these, a video camera, and you can make your own really sucky movie.  George Lucas be damned! Prairie:  Little house not included. Rock Star:  Drugs and skanky groupies not included.  But if you know where I can get some, leave a comment below. H-bomb:  Actually very funny:  "Who wants to be a passive victim of nuclear war when, with a little effort, you can be an active participant?" Coffin:  Only eight inches long or so.  But perfect for my..., well, stuff. Mummy:  H-bombs.  Coffins.  Mummies.  I detect a theme here. Rhythm:  There went that theme.  But its got a good beat and you can dance to it.  If you're retarded that is. Theremin:  You know, it makes that cool sound from "Good Vibrations."  No decent Beach Boys cover band would be without. Volkswagen Beetle:  Included to make someone I know happy. Cult:  You, too, can induce mass suicide. Cult II:  There's more than one way to be a messiah. 7:49:06 AM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.